How Do You Get a Fireworks Show Without Lighting a Cracker? Just Watch the News

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How Do You Get a Fireworks Show Without Lighting a Cracker? Just Watch the News

Illustration: Arati Gujar

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lright people, it’s Diwali time. This year, for any number of reasons ranging from a government ban to a personal desire to not breathe noxious fumes, you might be looking forward to a firework-free Diwali. But sorry to burst your sound-free bubble. Looks like the noise is going to continue, with or without firecrackers.   

With elections on the horizon, political fireworks are expected to detonate. The media stall – stocked with enough flashy CBI chakris, screeching RaGa rockets, shatteringly loud #MeToo bombs, and glittering #DeepVeerKiShaadi sparklers – is all set to dazzle us all.

In fact, the explosion started this September, when Tanushree Dutta triggered the #MeToo India movement by setting off the Patekar bomb. This was a fuse that had been lit several years ago, but even then, we weren’t ready for the sparks. Datta’s charges of harassment turned out to be like the anar that sometimes refuses to light up initially, but as you get closer – boom!  

A more brilliant display of pyrotechnics came from the Central Bureau of Investigation, whose midnight fires polluted the political atmosphere in no time. Remember the saanp golis that used to release dark fumes and a gooey coil that resembled a snake? Yup, the CBI controversy has unfolded in a similar manner, embracing chief Alok Verma in its snare.  

Apart from all the political explosions, Bollywood’s expected to light up our lives with Deepika-Ranveer ki shaadi and Priyanka-Nick’s nuptials.

Similar flickers of dissonance are emanating from the Reserve Bank of India with Urjit Patel at the receiving end of the BJP’s dhamakas. All this is very smokey, and it is in the government’s interest to douse the smoulders.

Meanwhile, Diwali at the BJP headquarters won’t be as spectacular as 2014, after the DeMo rocket failed to launch. And yet, online polls reveal that 71 per cent of voters are willing to repose faith in the leadership of the prime minister. Looks like Modiji’s oratory fireworks will give the party enough reasons to light a few diyas.

While NaMo is making enough noise this Diwali with the ₹2,989-crore Statue of Unity, the RaGa rocket soared across Madhya Pradesh, lighting up every temple along his political trail. Needless to say that a robust push from the opposition could have helped the RaGa rocket to zoom higher but Behenji is simply not up to any festive revelry. Left alone for now, Rahul’s speeches resemble the red popping strips used to load toy pistols. While he keeps pulling the political trigger, some explode but the rest turn out to be damp squibs. Phatak! Phatak! Phuss.

Like Behenji, the Delhi CM is playing Diwali party pooper. He too seems to be in no mood for anarchist bombs, psychopath sparklers, or dharna explosions. As the Capital chokes yet again, he is contemplating his favourite game – betting on odd-even.

Apart from all the political explosions, Bollywood’s expected to light up our lives with Deepika-Ranveer ki shaadi and Priyanka-Nick’s nuptials. Neetu Kapoor willing, Alia and Ranbir could be next in line. The B-town shaadi brigade is on fire, but few will be able to surpass the double dhamaka of the #DeepVeer and #Prick weddings. The glittering celebrations are likely to blow our minds – with or without the crackers.

It’s shaping up to be a very exciting festive season. But for the mother of all dhamakas, we will have to wait until May 2019. Remember, the loudest bang happens when you least expect it.

Happy Diwali!

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