By Weedward and Bongstein Jan. 23, 2018
Weedward & Bongstein met Shah Rukh Khan at the World Economic Forum in Davos. After confirming that his next film is on FDI, he said, “My Name is Khan and I’m also an economist.”
Weedward & Bongstein, the world’s premier investigative journalists, were out on a Bigfoot hunt when they stumbled upon what looked like an international conference in snowy Davos. The immediate sight of suits and rich people made them sweat, but when they heard “Lungi Dance” blaring in the distance, they ventured closer. What they stumbled upon were three words strung into the most boring title ever, “World Economic Forum”.
It didn’t take long for the duo to realise that the delegates were a bunch of billionaires with supercars and beautiful faces. Deciding to drop the hunt for cryptids, they instead chose to mingle with the movers and shakers of the global economy.
At the forum, they first spotted the Rothschildren and approached them for an interview. But before they knew it, their quarry vanished into the crowd. While looking for the Rothschildren in the “balls pit” (not the kids play area, but the Wall Street pavilion at the forum) they bumped into a familiar face, none other than King Khan himself.
Deciding against interviewing the Rothschildren for fear of a backlash from the Illuminati who control the media, and that a Baadshah in hand was worth more than a Duplicate in the bush, they threw a couple of tough questions his way.
W&B: Shah Rukh Khan, is your next movie about FDI?
SRK: Yes, My Name is Khan and I’m also an economist. I’ve noticed Akshay Kumar has taken up the role of nationalist-actor-cum-martial-arts-expert and that has inspired me to carve out a niche of my own. I will be the intellectual who makes inspirational TV shows about Nayi Soch, and shows up at economic fora. So yes, to answer your question, my next movie’s called FDI, Fir (Bhi) Dil Hai Indian and is the sequel to Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani.
W&B: Umm… About that “intellectual” niche, doesn’t Aamir already own that?
SRK: Oh him. Lol yeah, we distracted him with a fitness bug I had scientists work on in my lab. He locked himself in a gym for three years, and I took over the mantle of the intellectual Khan. (winks)
W&B: Did you just use the word “lol” in conversation? Anyway, since you’re here, what should we expect from the upcoming railway budget?
SRK: Oh, if you ask me, I think we should encourage rooftop travellers to indulge in impromptu dance performances on the roofs of our trains. Chaiyya Chaiyya’s fame will cover up the fact that the Rajdhani accidentally gave more people STDs than having sex with other people in 2017. I did a whole bit on it in a Tedx Talk, where the topic for discussion was “Seat Pe STD: Clamping Down on Chlamydia”.
W&B: Is it correct to say that when the X axis and Y axis meet, a country has achieved economic stability?
SRK: Kehte hain agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaho, toh puri kainaat usse tumse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai. This is how we can achieve economic stability, with the power of belief, and spreading your arms out in the snow. Switzerland has a lot of snow, maybe Modiji and I can try it out here.
W&B: How do you respond to critics who argue that you can’t spell “World Economic Forum” without “no fun”?
SRK: While it’s true that there is nothing remarkable about economics, but throw in a five-minute song by the Meet Brothers called “WEF Chal Mere Naal Kudiye” and suddenly baccha baccha WEF aana chahega. You can’t spell “World Economic Forum” without “no fun” but you also can’t spell it without “rum” which features prominently in the song.
While King Khan began singing the song in his rich baritone voice, W&B spotted a bunch of climate change activists baiting Donald Trump – who was playing in the snow outside – into a discussion on global warming. It quickly snowballed into a snowball shootout. Not wanting to miss out on the opportunity to hurl a ball of snow at the kam-dimag in chief, W&B slowly melted into the crowd just as King Khan began singing the hook, “Har ghadi badal rahi hai tapman earth ki, Chaav hai kahin, kahin hai dhoop, rain kahin, Har pal yahan jee bhar jiyo, Sea level change, kal ho na ho!”
Weedward and Bongstein are serious investigative journalists. They have been involved in some of the biggest exposés in recent history. This bio will self-destruct in 5 seconds to protect their identities.