Do Me a Favour, Let’s Play Hipster Holi

Humour

Do Me a Favour, Let’s Play Hipster Holi

Illustration: Akshita Monga

I

f you’ve been mixing egg yolk or urine into your Holi water balloons because you think it’s funny, it is with the gravest displeasure that I must inform you it is time to class things up a bit. Because as you see, dear friend, Holi is making waves internationally – the Spanish seem to love it more than carrying out inquisitions on ancient civilisations and the British kids are seeing it as a way to give Shashi Tharoor some of his colonial reparations. All over the world, from Kansas to Kuwait, people are celebrating our festival of colour, and it is now up to us Indians to set an example for this increasingly aspirational festival. No more waterboarding children and chucking loaded balloons from terraces: You are now the flag-bearers of a world-renowned festival.

So how do you class things up? For one, it is very important to follow a strict dress code. Wear the whitest, most transparent chheent kurta you can find at Nicobar or Good Earth (FabIndia won’t cut it). Team this with tiny denim shorts, an African-style turban, and marigold and frangipani necklaces. To complete this look, you’ll need the shiniest John Lennon Ray Ban sunglasses you can find. Remember that the shades need to be shiny – electric blue or a soft brown, preferably – so that someone can take an artsy-boho picture of you and your friend reflected in the glasses. It’s worth taking note here that some people have figured out how to play Holi and still look like they’ve walked out of a two-hour-long shower. Be like that.

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