Congress Requests Beyoncé to Stay Back an Extra Day to Celebrate State Assembly Election Victory

Humour

Congress Requests Beyoncé to Stay Back an Extra Day to Celebrate State Assembly Election Victory

Illustration: Arati Gujar

Today as Queen Bee, aka Beyoncé, was leaving the venue of the Ambani-Piramal wedding to head back home to the States, she received a call from the Congress party requesting her to stay an extra day so she could perform live at their headquarters, sources say.

“I got a call from a person named Rahul Gandhi, who said he will give us all the money his family made through something called Coalgate, provided I performed at his party headquarters,” Beyoncé’s manager Richard said. “We thought we had seen all the money in the world at the Ambani wedding, but somehow this family happens to have some left over.”

“I asked them to hold on for a while until the Madhya Pradesh election results come in, so they won’t have to pay a cancellation charge on the private jet. But they insisted that they were ready to party right now,” Richard said. “Plus, Rahul kept talking about women empowerment, a topic Beyoncé is also known to care deeply about, so it made sense.”  

“Rahul ji is our party boss and we still won two states with a clear majority. Imagine,” said a Congress worker, helping himself to a fifth serving of biryani. “Ab Madhya Pradesh bhi Chanakya ke range bahar chala gaya hai. If we are short a few seats, Mayawati will support us. Who is left in the CBI to file a case against her?”

Sources say pop sensation Beyoncé is prepared to follow up on her Ambani wedding performance, with an all-new tracklist created especially to appease Congress fans. They say some of the songs will include, “All the single Yogis”, a powerful diss track, and “Dung in Love”, a ballad for all BJP supporters in these trying times.

Meanwhile, others are not so sure about attending the party at the Congress HQ. Sources say a mithai-wallah summoned by the Gandhi family refused to take the order. “Last time they ordered mithai after reading the exit polls and then cancelled the order when they lost,” said Ramesh Bickanerwala, a sweet vendor from Chandini Chowk.

“By the time my delivery boy reaches the HQ, Arnab Goswami will say they’ve lost this election also. Yeh nahin chalega. That’s why I asked for full upfront payment and Aadhaar details of the person who placed the order before we can go ahead with processing the order.” Last heard, celebrations at the HQ were already underway.

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