One Idiotic Girl in 850 Words


One Idiotic Girl in 850 Words

Illustration: Rutuja Patil/ Arré


erdy Indian Girl with a Goldman Sachs job and fresh Brazilian wax meets Bong Boy who hates giving head. What follows after some light petting is a main course of missionary with cunnilingus as post-prandial aperitif. (Don’t worry. The idea of Chetan Bhagat talking cunnilingus should grow on you.)

The story goes from Jism to Abhimaan in one tandoori night. Girl gets a big bonus and wants to crow about it to Bong Boy. Bong Boy, who is a leftist loser, shows interest in lamb kebabs instead. Fights ensue as marriage talks escalate with “Feminist” Girl playing her Gertrude Stein card and demanding he set a date. Boy, tired of this multi-million dollar-making machine who demands endless head, decides to dump her ass. Feminist Girl grovels with pancakes for breakfast, badgers with texts, and almost traps with a Tiffany ring only to find Bong Boy sleeping with White Tattooed Girl. Feminist Girl not only flees his house, but also the city, the country, and the continent.