BMC Mimics Mutual Funds Advertisements, Announces “Crossing Foot Over-Bridges is Subject to Risk”

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BMC Mimics Mutual Funds Advertisements, Announces “Crossing Foot Over-Bridges is Subject to Risk”

Illustration: Ahmed Sikander

In the wake of the tragic collapse of the foot over-bridge at Mumbai’s CST station, which resulted in dozens of casualties and several deaths, the BMC has decided to install warning signs at every such bridge in the city. Borrowing liberally from the legalese that follows mutual fund advertisements on TV, the signs read, “Crossing foot over-bridges is subject to fatal risk. Please read the newspaper before crossing.”

“At first, we thought we could accurately gauge the bridge’s structural integrity after conducting inspections, but clearly, our contractors cannot be taken at their word. So now we are issuing a blanket warning against all bridges in the city, just to be safe,” said Mayur Chaipani, a BMC official.

At an emergency meeting today, BMC has also decided to book people who unnecessarily use foot over-bridges to cross the road. “All Indians have the superpower to stop cars by simply extending their hands while crossing the road. Why not use those powers like normal people? Instead of doing this, citizens fall prey to common sense and attempt to use the infrastructure we have provided as mere window dressing. Even if you survive the foot over-bridge, don’t your knees suffer from all those steps?” asked Chaipani.

The drive to stop the public from climbing foot over-bridges will be bolstered by an outreach campaign, co-sponsored by Mountain Dew. “Bridge ke aage jeet hai” is the slogan of the campaign.

However, ministers in the Maharashtra state government feel like too much unnecessary criticism has come their way. “We were so focused on the Shivaji statue that we forgot to pay any attention to the foot over-bridges in the city. Why should we take the blame when they fall?” said Rishvatnath Scamde, a minister of in the Maharashtra assembly.

“These bridges were made by the British, and some of them were built during Nehru’s time. If they are falling apart, book Rahul and Priyanka for the shoddy job their grandpa did. Similarly find the descendants of those Britishers who cheated us,” Scamde demanded.

Meanwhile, a technical team sent by the BMC was rescued from a foot over-bridge in Matunga, which they had certified as safe only five minutes earlier. The flurry of press vans reaching the spot to cover the only safe foot-bridge in Mumbai caused the structure to begin trembling. Firemen had to be called in to rescue the BMC team, and by the end of the day, yet another warning sign had gone up in a city full of them.

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