Arré Checklist: What Your Fighting Style Says About Your Relationship


Arré Checklist: What Your Fighting Style Says About Your Relationship

Illustration: Sushant Ahire

If you haven’t spent up to four hours of your life exclaiming the five Ws and one H of journalism into the phone, chances are you’ve never been in a long-term relationship. Every couple goes through a phase where they fight each other over the little things, because apparently few things say “love” like a petty argument followed by days of cold silence. Often, people tend to mistake this constant fighting for a bad thing, when the truth is, that in a long-term relationship, it’s as normal as falling asleep in a meeting, or eating fried chicken on a diet.

Now just because you do it every day, that doesn’t mean it has to be pleasurable. I’ve never heard anyone talk about how fun it is to go brush their teeth, but they still do it every day. There are, however, some ways you can keep your relationship fights under control. To do so, it will be helpful to first identify your relationship fighting style.


Fighters who qualify for Taekwon-Throw have no control over their limbs. They throw phones on beds, drinks on the floor, and fists at walls. Such fighters fly into a rage faster than Salman Khan in his next movie, but tend to mellow out faster than Snoop Dogg on Sunday afternoon. You can identify these fighters by how often they’re breaking their fingers or how dented their electronics are.

Weakness: Empty Rooms

Catchphrase: “Need to get my phone screen replaced.”

The Notebook Keeper

Much like the tragedy that was The Notebook movie, this type of fighter has a twisted sense of humour. They keep notes of each argument, maintain pros and cons lists, and have Excel sheets of all swear words exchanged in conversations dating back to the first day of the relationship. They remember your first transgression on March 31 of 2015, and can predict your next 10 with surprising ease, because they maintain notes about each conversation you have on their phones.  

Weakness: Can easily be hacked

Catchphrase: “Let me just refer to the files…”

Johnny Walker

This person loves taking walks more than they love their partners. It doesn’t matter whether the argument is taking place at 2 am on the sea link or 2 pm at a KFC, the walker will manage to excuse himself to clear his head. Walkers are usually terrible at ending fights but at least their calves are muscular and hearts are healthy.

Weakness: Locked doors

Catchphrase: “I need some air.”

The Escalator

This person doesn’t care if your only transgression was leaving a towel on the table, they’re now leaving you forever and they can’t understand why they were with you in the first place. Sometime during them packing up all their possessions, you’re going to have to console this person into staying, or you are in for a lesson in hyperbole. This type of fighter wins arguments with streams of tears and yells out insults before the fight has even begun.

Weakness: Johnny Walker

Catchphrase: “That’s it, I’m downloading Tinder.”