Akshay Kumar Launches Maggi Productions; Will Make Politician Biopics Sirf 2 Din Mein

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Akshay Kumar Launches Maggi Productions; Will Make Politician Biopics Sirf 2 Din Mein

Illustration: Ahmed Sikander

Going by recent reports, it seems like the most lucrative employment opportunity in this country is in the biopic business. After movies on Shiv Sena supremo Balasaheb Thackeray and the “Accidental Prime Minister” Manmohan Singh, sources say films on PM Modi, Rahul Gandhi and Union Minister Nitin Gadkari are in the works.

“There is a lot of pressure on us,” said Anuj Sethi, the CEO of a Mumbai-based production house. “All politicians want their biopics to release before the general elections so they can tell the public their ‘real untold stories.’ Last week, one politician asked me to start work on his three-year-old son’s biopic, due for release in 2042.”

Taking note of this untapped market is Lead Actor in Patriotic Role and Karate black belt Akshay Kumar, who announced today that he would be opening his own production house. Tentatively titled Maggi Productions, the company promises to create personalised biopics on famous Indian politicians, sirf 2 din mein.

The chief investor in the project, Sethi, says Maggi Productions is confident that complete biopics, with 200 trailers, 5,000 pre-posters, and 10-12 item songs can be made ready in 48 hours.

“We have all seen how quickly and efficiently Akshay Kumar ji gets bottles of Thums Up from the shop, even when there are no public transport or delivery services available. We believe he will bring this energy to this production house,” said Sethi, the first investor in Maggi Productions.

“If PM Modi and his ‘urgency’ can bring Rafale jets to India one month ahead of schedule, why can’t we make a biopic in two days,” asked Akshay Kumar, at a press conference attended by hundreds of not-so-famous politicians. “After watching The Accidental PM, I decided that instead of giving lectures, it was time to do something for the country. Maggi Productions is my way of giving back to the people.”

The chief investor in the project, Sethi, says Maggi Productions is confident that complete biopics, with 200 trailers, 5,000 pre-posters, and 10-12 item songs can be made ready in 48 hours.

“The only time it may be hard to meet deadlines is when politicians come back two days later and ask us to include scenes of them meditating in jungles, or saving children from fires. Once we have a final script, we’ll take care of the rest.”

Meanwhile, the suburb of Versova has welcomed the news. “In the late ’90s, I used to play one character in 17 TV serials, but I haven’t got much work since. I have been studying Robert Vadra’s mannerisms, just in case,” said Tony Thomas, a Mumbai-based struggling actor, wearing a see-through T-shirt and pink pants.

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