The Isha Ambani wedding extravaganza has led to natural speculation as to whether all Gujaratis are as obnoxious and flashy. We are not. First-class local compartments are scattered with affluent Gujju diamond merchants, and we’re the ones packing theplas for our Europe trips.

Shaktikanta Das, recently appointed the RBI Governor after Urjit Patel’s resignation, was unable to study Economics in college because the university was too far from his house. Sources in the government say he’s now bought a copy of Freakonomics.

Recessions are like black swans. They’re rare, come out of nowhere, and people frown upon you when you say they look delicious. Is the next one staring us between the eyes? Because it’s been a while since the last one so maybe the next one should just hurry up and get here. And Urjit Patel’s resignation has not helped things.

Bollywood actor cancels his own wedding to attend the event of the year, Isha Ambani’s wedding with Anand Piramal, at Antilia. Several guests caught throwing khakra in polar bear enclosure.

As shaadi season takes off, prepare to have your timelines flooded with carefully casual pre-wedding photoshoots. For couples in love, a pre-wedding photoshoot is like KRK reviewing films: They assume it’s their creative outlet but forget that no one really wants it.

Sources say pop sensation Beyoncé is prepared to follow up on her Ambani wedding performance, with an all-new tracklist. Songs will include, “All the single Yogis”, a powerful diss track, and “Dung in Love”, a ballad for all BJP supporters in these trying times.

For a news channel, state assembly election day is like Diwali, Christmas, and Holi all rolled into one. Anchors get to wear their sharpest suits and call the election incorrectly, graphics teams can go nuts with epilepsy inducing colours, and headline writers get to ask banalities like, “Could EVMs be Tampered??!?”

Now that Vijay Mallya might be extradited, I propose a harsher punishment for him rather than sending him to jail: Appoint him the CEO of Air India with immediate effect. He’ll do what nobody has achieved before — shut the damn thing down.