You remember that gym hottie you were eyeing for weeks? And how when he finally opened his mouth to crack a joke, your world fell apart. Fondant cake is no different. It’s got the looks, but you take a bite and you know what disappointment tastes like.

Most middle-class Bengali families such as mine are moderately open-minded. You can make honest confessions to them about your vices and hope for a friendly ear, but never about your vegetarianism.

Gone are the days of good old steamed idlis and paneer-capsicum pizza. Today restaurants that serve pav bhaji fondue and red velvet dhokla flourish. It doesn’t matter if the food tastes awful. Just like our lives online, it is only important that the food we eat looks great.

Ask any TamBrahm, and they would swear by their kula deivam (family God) that not wrapping up a meal with thayir-sadam (curd rice) and some lemon pickle is enough to get you ostracised.

Despite being from a cosmopolitan family, I realised that every day, I was unwittingly consuming our caste on my plate. In the game of kitchen politics, caste is a far more deeply riven divide, than the differences between North and South Indian food.

Turn your plain old masala Maggi into crunchy spring rolls with this easy recipe.

Gujaratis inherit a penchant for "food terrorism". There were Gujarati kids at school who wouldn’t drink “jhoota” water in case it had been touched by a meat eater. And there was my grandmother who’d remind me that I was Jain every time I’d go for an evening snack.

Have you ever had one of those mornings when you want nothing more than to curl up into foetal position until the world stops being bright and loud? These eggs should help you out.

Make the ultimate desi-Chinese fusion food, Wai Wai Chinese Bhel and send your tastebuds on a one way trip to flavourtown.

We seem to have become intolerant to the very foods that used to be household staples – butter, cheese, milk, and rotis! Has something truly changed, or as my mom would say, are we just trying new ways to push up our cool quotient?

In India, poverty isn’t just a state of mind, and paisa-vasooli is a way of life. Yet, people buy an extra birthday cake, just to smash it gleefully in some unfortunate soul’s face. What gives?

A list of essentials that urban Indians need to survive First World problems and the Armageddon.

Being vegetarian has never been an option in my household. But when my newly vegetarian friend asked how I could be a “woke” animal lover and still eat meat, I didn’t have an answer. The worst part? The judgment from my parents – my mutton-kebab-eating parents.

You've tried noodles inside a dosa, but have you tried a dosa made from noodles? Presenting Maggi Masala Dosa!

Food and sex go hand in hand. Making love on an empty stomach is like crossing the desert barefoot: You wouldn’t want to do it unless absolutely necessary. What we eat says a lot about who we are. Pick a five-course meal and we’ll tell you your favourite sexual position.

Every Sunday, at the stroke of noon, a group of Indians gathers to validate its privilege through Instagram filters of eggs Benedict and mimosa. This breed of people can be classified as snobby Sunday brunch-goers.

Food blogs are constantly adapting to every new diet trend, perpetually coming up with questionable keto, vegan, and Whole 30 spins on traditional favourites. While their creative thinking is laudable, surely we can all agree that spiralised zucchini makes a salad, not a pasta dish?

For most people I know, it’s impossible not to get lost in nostalgia at the mere mention of Parle-G. The biscuit was my diabetic grandfather’s favourite treat. And the only way to get my school watchmen to open the gates and let you inside after the morning bell was with bribes of Parle-G.

Some people love you to bits, others call you bitter, maybe you're a karela.

Switching cities can be a daunting task, especially when it comes to finding everyday comfort food. But culinary experimentation and acidity are two sides of the same coin. How do you flip a favourable outcome?

A DIY cheesecake. All you need is some mishti doi and a pack of biscuits.

Every time my dad sent me to fetch cigarettes, I would buy Phantom cigarette candy from the paan tapri below my house. I felt like a big boy as I tapped out one and took a fake puff.

Sometimes I lie awake at night thinking about my fondest beefy memories. During my chef days, I’ve tasted some fine A5 Wagyu and USDA Prime Grade 1. Those days are sadly behind us.

A few elements are essential to a hipster establishment. A penny-farthing on the wall, exposed brickwork and vents, and the words “deconstructed” and “single-origin” on the menu.

Ever wondered how to roast chicken with super crisp skin? The answer is simple, just use a brick.

Make this biscuit basket chaat when the craving for chaat strikes

Anthony Bourdain was a proponent of the gratuitous sexualisation of food long before Instagram came along and added a hashtag before food porn. He extolled the virtues of food with a rhythmic metre that rose in crescendo before collapsing into a post-climactic crumpled heap, just like good sex.

The mythology of food in India is storied and the best fables revolve around pregnancy. Twins, some believe, are the result of eating twin bananas – fruit that has the power to impregnate a man.