Magnificent Cooks and Where to Find Them

Grub

Magnificent Cooks and Where to Find Them

Y

ou walk into a restaurant for dinner. Imagine one of those places which you heard about at some swish party from someone who heard about the restaurant in question from someone who liked a picture taken by someone else at the restaurant. Your inner gourmand is aroused. You decide you’re going to eat at said restaurant, whatever the cost. Maybe it costs an arm and a leg, maybe more. But fuck that, you’re determined to eat there.

You walk into a cavernous dining room, populated with the uber-rich and not-so-famous fawning over the wine list, which is at least two pages long. As soon as your arse makes contact with the plush seating, you’re served an amuse-bouche, a bite of food that is meant to tickle your palate and serve as foreplay for the culinary coitus to follow. The menu lists no prices, the names of the dishes are 17 words long and incorporate esoteric ingredients, and by the time you get to ordering dessert, you’re wondering whether you’d need to pawn off your firstborn just to clear the cheque.

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