Quiz: Pick Your Dinner and We'll Tell You Your Favourite Sex Position

Home
Videos
Reads
Audio
Doodles
Series
Explore
- Animals
- Bollywood
- Columns
- Crime
- Culture
- Cyber
- DisArré
- Documentary
- Earth
- Fashion
- Features
- First Person
- Gaming
- Gender
- Health
- History
- Humour
- Love and Sex
- Modern Family
- Money Matters
- Newsweak
- People
- Politics
- Pop Culture
- POV
- Profile
- Satire
- Social Commentary
- Social Experiment
- Sports
- Technology
- Vice
- Web Series
- Weird
GRUB
Outdoors
Earworm

Pick a starter:

Tomato Soup Stuffed mushrooms Mutton seekh kebab Chicken lollipops

Pick a main course:

Sauteed vegetables Cheesy pasta Butter chicken and tandoori roti Triple schezuan fried rice

Pick a side:

Garlic bread Salad Masala papad Crispy chicken

Pick a dessert:

Fruit salad Chocolate mousse Gajar ka halwa Sizzling brownie

Pick a drink:

Mineral water White wine Old monk and cola Beer

Mostly a’s: It’s a pretty light meal. You probably also do yoga, climb mountains, and use #blessed a lot. You’re a graceful deer in the streets and a rampant rabbit in the sheets. Thanks to your eating habits, which mean you’re pretty lean, you’re pretty flexible, both literally and figuratively in bed. Thanks to this lightness of gut and litheness of butt, your favourite sex position is probably <a style="text-decoration: none;" href="http://sexpositions.club/positions/221.html">The Propeller</a>. This position involves a fair amount of flexibility and the ability to bend stuff the way the wrong way. It’s your favourite position because – just like all your other life choices – you believe bucking the trend and doing things differently. Even if it means doing the deed facing the other way, unlike the rest of us plebs. Mostly b’s: Your meal isn’t a gut-buster, but all those carbs might slow you down a little. Judging by your eating habits, you’re also pretty upwardly mobile and use Hinge like it’s Google. The meal you picked is probably the same one you ate on your last Tinder date. Seeing how you have the energy from those carbs after a full meal and do this pretty often, Doggystyle is the way to go. Also this position isn’t meant for comfort, it’s meant for speed, primarily because you’re not one to stay put for the pillow talk. Your clothes are on and you’re out the door quicker than you can say, “Text you later”. But who are we to judge, woof woof raise the roof. Mostly c’s: The meal you just ate is the caloric intake of an entire village in Ethiopia. Your dinner has left you feeling full af with just enough energy to take off your clothes, crawl into bed, and let Jesus take the wheel. Your favourite position is either Missionary or Woman on Top, depending on your gender, because your impending food coma means you’re the passive participant until you fall asleep. Being at the bottom has its perks: You can pretty much lay by and relax while the other person does all the work. Feel free to answer a couple of emails or watch the latest episode of your favourite Netflix show while you’re down there, so long as you chip in with the occasional moan and some words of encouragement. Pro tip, get some coffee after your meal just so you don’t begin counting sheep mid-coitus. Mostly d’s: You’ve picked a meal that ranks high on the munchies index. Fried complex carbs and sugar might give you diabetes which greatly interferes with giving and getting some. Plus you probably have a really bad case of the munchies, thanks to those doobs you smoked, rendering any physical activity more laborious than hard labour itself. You probably prefer cuddling, saving the sexy time for when you’ve made a better meal choice because it is more energy efficient and you probably have more fun with your clothes on.

Damian D'souza

Damian loves playing videogames. If all the bounties he collected slaying zombies were tangible, he wouldn't need to write such bios. Seriously though, Damian used to be a cook who wrote, now he's just a writer who cooks.