The Bahubali 2 Food Quiz

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Earworm

Your ideal breakfast is:

Organic wholegrain muesli with GMO-free yoghurt Last night’s leftovers, which are leftovers from an ancient time Pancakes with bacon and eggs Cocaine, orange juice, and Marlboro lights

What’s your favourite order at McDonald’s?

I don’t eat processed junk mass produced by evil corporations in public Strawberry shake with fries Maharaja Mac and coke McDonald’s? I thought you said McDowell’s

How do you like your eggs?

Cage-free, free-range, poached in spring water, with Himalayan pink salt Wait, there’s more than one way to cook eggs? My life is a lie Fried. With bacon. Fertilised.

What’s your favourite cuisine?

South East African, you’ve not lived until you’ve tried Ugandan cuisine Chinese Is meat a cuisine by itself? Huh?

If you were a vegetable, what would you be?

Organically grown avocado Hmm… that green thing, you know, the one with leaves. My bai buys it all the time An onion, I make people cry Mr Bean

What is your favourite thing to cook?

I cook a mean duck a l’orange. It’s a Michelin-starred recipe I tried boiling water once, but the stove got wet Fried chicken Crystal meth or Rajma chawal

You’re stuck on a deserted island, what’s the one snack you take with you?

Granola bars. Is there potable water on this island, like a natural spring? I need to stay hydrated too Kurkure A whole roast pig #baconfordays Nose beer aka cocaine

Final question, when was the last time you ate a pizza?

I made a multigrain pizza with organic tomato sauce and vegan cheese at home the other day Yesterday I’m eating a pizza right now I just ordered one, so I can beat you to death with it

Mostly A’s: Katappa is going to kill you by using just his mind. You’ll be squashed just like those grapes you stomp on every year at the boutique wine festival. Your diet of organic fairy food and lack of high-quality protein makes it nearly impossible for you to fight back. And thanks to your food choices, Katappa is probably already preparing to mess you up, duck a l’orange. The fact that we already faxed him your results won’t help your case either. Face it, you can run, you can’t hide, because Katappa’s judging you for that kale you fried. One less hipster to annoy the world. Mostly Bs: Katappa’s not going to waste his time being all poetic about it, just like you don’t waste your time thinking about food. Repenting now won’t help, Katappa knows you haven’t got the time to die a slow-mo death shot in 4K from five different angles, so he might just pull a Salman and run over you. Look at it this way, at least the non-existent food in your fridge won’t perish because of your death. Mostly Cs: You’re screwed, Katappa is going to sish-kebab your meat-loving ass on a spear and BBQ it over some VFX-generated fake fire. But there’s hope, with your diet rich in red meat and processed food, you might have enough steroids in you to bench-press a Tata Nano, which means you’re not going down easy. But have you seen Katappa? He’s ripped AF for an older gentleman. This’ll be a gourmet gladiatorial grudge match, we’d pay real money to watch. Mostly Ds: The drug abuse will kill you before Katappa can. Maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your priorities. And yeah just because cocaine is made from cocoa leaves, it doesn’t count as a vegetable. Line your stomach before you stomach those lines. And in the off-chance that you manage to square off against Katappa, your highness might just get the better of him, that is if you can figure out why Katappa killed Bahubali and why you have no food and only drugs in your belly.

Damian D'souza

Damian loves playing videogames. If all the bounties he collected slaying zombies were tangible, he wouldn't need to write such bios. Seriously though, Damian used to be a cook who wrote, now he's just a writer who cooks.