I am Depressed But my Partner is Happy. I Hate Him For It

First Person

I am Depressed But my Partner is Happy. I Hate Him For It

Illustration: Shruti Yatam

T

he first person in a relationship who said, “I’m happy if you’re happy,” was the biggest dipshit on this planet. Happiness and contentment – these feelings are a given in any healthy relationship, but living with depression taught me they’re also the hardest to feel.

Look, I’m all up for other people being happy. Most of the time. And if I’m being really honest, I mean just the select few that I can tolerate. If my friend is getting married and she’s happy, awesome! If someone aced an exam, maybe an audition, I’ll be like, good on you. But that kind of happiness just exists on the surface. It’s an “I’ll give you a big hug and a smile and text you ‘OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!’ with 20 emoji” kind of happiness.

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