The Bagwatis of Konark


The Bagwatis of Konark

Following the prime minister’s remarks about sculptures at the Sun Temple in Konark portraying modern fashion, for which he was massively trolled on Twitter, Weedward & Bongstein have unearthed secret documents that seem to lend some credibility to the comments.

While digging through archives and speaking to eminent archaeologists and scientists, W&B discovered evidence of a secret government project involving time travel. Dubbed the “Samay Manipulating Oscillatory Kinetic Energy Yatra” or SMOKEY, this covert project was originally intended to enable the government to prevent certain events, such as the colonisation of India by the British and the partition of the country.

However, the first recorded test resulted in the subject being sent too far back in time, to the 13th century.

Attempts to rescue this unnamed pilot were futile, and the project was later abandoned after ministers overseeing the project were accused of accepting kickbacks from the corporation building the machine.

Archaeologists and historians have published secret studies detailing how the engravings at ancient temples around the country from Khajuraho to Konark portray the influence of modern man. But these studies were later withheld for being un-sanskari and immoral. Under the aegis of project SMOKEY, the government aimed to create a perfect country free of foreign influence by rewriting history. The objective seems to have been met, but in a slightly different way, since the unnamed test pilot went on to influence the wrong culture.

According to one archaeologist, the engravings and carvings on temples were, a rudimentary “form of advertising, created by a level of intelligence ahead of its time”. Another scholar said, “The Konark engravings are a prime example of using attractive women to convey messages.”

W&B later tried to contact the PMO to verify whether the PM had prior knowledge of this programme, but they refused to talk to two “stoners”. They were, however, followed around for the rest of the day by a white ambassador and strange babus in safari suits.