On 90th Birthday, “Elizabeth Reveals Victoria’s Secret”


On 90th Birthday, “Elizabeth Reveals Victoria’s Secret”

Illustration: Namaah/ Arré


he United Kingdom’s longest reigning monarch, Queen Elizabeth, celebrated her 90th birthday on Thursday with great fanfare and spectacle. She kicked off the day with a visit to Madame Tussauds, to make sure her wax counterpart hadn’t aged as much as she had. She told Arré’s Weedward and Bongstein over a spliff that she intended to use the wax statue as a stand-in for herself after her death, because just like the wax statue, she is always seen and never heard.

The move follows a nationwide poll conducted by the Bureau of National Governance (B.O.N.G) that said 90 percent of the British populace would rather have Queen Elizabeth continue on as the monarch, rather than “that twat” Prince Charles or either of his two sons, William and Harry, whom the public lovingly refer to as “them two little shites”.