By Weedward and Bongstein May. 04, 2019
Dropped by the Arré office, again, look who.
his May the 4th, Arré’s high-functioning investigative journalists par excellence Weedward and Bongstein got another chance to meet Jedi Master Yoda, who they’d last interviewed in 2016 when he stopped by the office for high-tea. This time he spoke about Avengers: Endgame and more over a pot of tea and brownies.
WB: Welcome Master Yoda, it’s a pleasure to have you back with us today.
Yoda: All mine, the pleasure is. For having me here, I thank you.
WB: We loved your cameo in The Last Jedi, how did it feel to return to the big screen after ages?
Yoda: A puppet did they use. Like, said Shaggy, “Me it was not”. About my life, a Netflix documentary, shooting I was.
WB: A puppet? Really? We couldn’t tell.
Yoda: Could, I.
WB: Are you asking us or telling us?
Yoda: Am, I.
WB: Oh. Have you considered learning to speak English?
Yoda: Did, I. Such a funny language, English is.
WB: Do you know who said that?
Yoda: Very well do I know Amitabh. In talks was he, to redub my dialogues in Hindi.
WB: How come this didn’t make the news? This is huge!
Yoda: Not work, it did. Too big was he, for the character. Cross the line he did, when asked for more money midway, did he.
WB: Yeah we guess certain rekhas aren’t meant to be crossed. Do you know what we mean?
Yoda: Shwar ya, aish do (chuckles). Move on let us, bad puns are these.
WB: So what’s the Netflix documentary called?
Yoda: Called “I, Jed: Of Yoda, The Story” it is. Get a documentary if Ted Bundy can, why can’t I? Billions of dollars, I will make.
WB: Best of luck with your taxes! Speaking of billions, Avengers: Endgame has made more money than the last few Star Wars movies. What are your thoughts on that?
Yoda: Great, the movie was. More money it has made because more superheroes it has. Also because in The Force Awakens, I wasn’t. Without me cannot, Star Wars exist.
WB: So who’s your favourite Avenger?
Yoda: Black Panther. A brave hero, he is, fight bravely he does. But for Mark Ruffalo’s part, audition I did, you know.
WB: Fascinating! How’d that work out for you?
Yoda: Green and powerful, I was. The minimum height requirement, I did not meet. Anyway, make me angry, do not. Not like me you will, when angry I am. (Pulls out Lightsaber)
WB: Woah, put the weapon down. You’re not supposed to pull that thing out.
Yoda: What she said, that is. By way, tasty these brownies are. Give me some later, you must.
WB: Yes. Back to the interview…
Yoda: Interrupt you, I must. The time for a spliff it is. Take your leave now, I must.
WB: Thank you for your time, master. Great having you! Come visit us soon.
Yoda: A lot of thanks, use your washroom, for allowing me. From a pizza I ate earlier, specs of oregano that green dust in your washroom is. May the fourth be with you.
Weedward and Bongstein are serious investigative journalists. They have been involved in some of the biggest exposés in recent history. This bio will self-destruct in 5 seconds to protect their identities.