EXCLUSIVE! Interview with Jedi Master Yoda on Star Wars Day


EXCLUSIVE! Interview with Jedi Master Yoda on Star Wars Day

Illustration: Namaah

This May the 4th, Arré’s high-functioning investigative journalists par excellence Weedward and Bongstein got another chance to meet Jedi Master Yoda, who they’d last interviewed in 2016 when he stopped by the office for high-tea. This time he spoke about Avengers: Endgame and more over a pot of tea and brownies.

WB: Welcome Master Yoda, it’s a pleasure to have you back with us today.

Yoda: All mine, the pleasure is. For having me here, I thank you.

WB: We loved your cameo in The Last Jedi, how did it feel to return to the big screen after ages?

Yoda: A puppet did they use. Like, said Shaggy, “Me it was not”. About my life, a Netflix documentary, shooting I was.

WB: A puppet? Really? We couldn’t tell.

Yoda: Could, I.

WB: Are you asking us or telling us?

Yoda: Am, I.

WB: Oh. Have you considered learning to speak English?

Yoda: Did, I. Such a funny language, English is.

WB: Do you know who said that?

Yoda: Very well do I know Amitabh. In talks was he, to redub my dialogues in Hindi.

WB: How come this didn’t make the news? This is huge!

Yoda: Not work, it did. Too big was he, for the character. Cross the line he did, when asked for more money midway, did he.

WB: Yeah we guess certain rekhas aren’t meant to be crossed. Do you know what we mean?

Yoda: Shwar ya, aish do (chuckles). Move on let us, bad puns are these.

WB: So what’s the Netflix documentary called?

Yoda: Called “I, Jed: Of Yoda, The Story” it is. Get a documentary if Ted Bundy can, why can’t I? Billions of dollars, I will make.

WB: Best of luck with your taxes! Speaking of billions, Avengers: Endgame has made more money than the last few Star Wars movies. What are your thoughts on that?

Yoda: Great, the movie was. More money it has made because more superheroes it has. Also because in The Force Awakens, I wasn’t. Without me cannot, Star Wars exist.

WB: So who’s your favourite Avenger?

Yoda: Black Panther. A brave hero, he is, fight bravely he does. But for Mark Ruffalo’s part, audition I did, you know.

WB: Fascinating! How’d that work out for you?

Yoda: Green and powerful, I was. The minimum height requirement, I did not meet. Anyway, make me angry, do not. Not like me you will, when angry I am. (Pulls out Lightsaber)

WB: Woah, put the weapon down. You’re not supposed to pull that thing out.

Yoda: What she said, that is. By way, tasty these brownies are. Give me some later, you must.

WB: Yes. Back to the interview…

Yoda: Interrupt you, I must. The time for a spliff it is. Take your leave now, I must.

WB: Thank you for your time, master. Great having you! Come visit us soon.

Yoda: A lot of thanks, use your washroom, for allowing me. From a pizza I ate earlier, specs of oregano that green dust in your washroom is. May the fourth be with you.