EXCLUSIVE! Breakthrough Interview with Aliens!

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EXCLUSIVE! Breakthrough Interview with Aliens!

Illustration: Juergen D

H

ours after NASA revealed that it had found planets that could harbour life, the world’s premier investigative journalists, Weedward and Bongstein, were listening to the radio. While reacting passionately to a Bon Jovi song, they knocked it over and managed to break it. The scrambled sound of static from the broken radio suddenly began to morph into intelligible sounds.

Our journalists immediately set about transcribing what they heard into Google Translate. What they discovered was far more explosive than anything in NASA’s press release. Long story short: Aliens do exist, and had agreed to give Weedward and Bongstein a one-time only, exclusive interview over the radio. They spoke at length about their plans regarding Earth.

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