By Weedward and Bongstein Feb. 21, 2018
The world’s foremost investigative journalists, Weedward & Bongstein, were at the scene when US President’s son got into an argument with a Delhi man over Honey Singh and Ivanka Trump.
Weedward & Bongstein were sampling some of the finest Car-o-bar the world has to offer, deep in the bowels of Gurgaon, when they saw an ad that read: “Trump is here. Are you invited?” Sensing that they might be on the cusp of another international news break, the investigative journalist duo decided to bid farewell to their tank-top-wearing friend and took a metro to Trump Towers.
One of the highlights of Trump Jr’s trip was “dinner and a conversation” with the lucky few who have bought flats in the luxury skyscraper. As those with plenty of money and little to no taste began flocking to the five-star hotel where Donald Jr was staying, the world’s keenest reporters, one stray Honey Singh fan, and all-round Dalli boy snuck into the proceedings.
Being friends with the Secret Service agents from their earlier interviews with President Trump allowed W&B to bypass the security cordon, and infiltrate the dinner. They stumbled in just as the atypical Dalli boy was about to introduce himself to the First Kid. What follows is a transcript of the interaction:
Delhi Guy: Bata na, Ivanka didn’t come? Momo khayega kya? Is this sandwich from Wengers?
Don Jr: Why are people always talking about Ivanka? I’m the eldest!
Delhi Guy: Maybe it’s because you look like your father, while she got lucky?
Don Jr: You better not make fun of me or my father! Don’t you know he’s the President of the United States of America?
Delhi Guy: Did you just use “tu jaanta hai mera baap kaun hai” on me? Chal vodka peete hai. You have a gun?
Don Jr: Of course I have a gun. Everyone has a gun where I’m from.
Delhi Guy: Same! Are you a Dilliwala too?
Don Jr: Actually, I just landed. Is there a good place to hunt around these parts?
Delhi Guy: Haan, chal North Campus ka chakkar maarte hain. But first, let me give you an orientation of our city.
At this point, the guy began to blast Honey Singh’s “Chaar Botal Vodka” on his phone. By the third chorus of “Chaar botal vodka / kaam mera roz ka”, Donald Jr was nodding his head in time to the beat.
Don Jr: Aahh, I think I’m getting it. This city loves its booze, doesn’t it?
Delhi Guy: Haan bro! And chicken.
Don Jr: What else, what else?
Delhi Guy: Tandoori chicken and Old Monk
Don Jr: And?
Delhi Guy: Afghani tikka and Blenders Pride.
Don Jr: Disgusting. Mozlems, I tell you.
Delhi Guy: Aye tikka ke bare mein kya bola? (commences flexing)
Don Jr: What’s happening here. Are you threatening me? I’m going to call my dad.
Delhi Guy: Chal even I’ll call my dad…
As both Delhi Guy and Don Jr began making fake phone calls, W&B decided that they’d done enough investigatoring for the night. And indeed for the week. Plus it was 8.30 pm in Gurgaon, which is like 2.30 am anywhere else, and they didn’t want to risk being murdered, so they booked an Uber back to Indira Gandhi Airport.
Weedward and Bongstein are serious investigative journalists. They have been involved in some of the biggest exposés in recent history. This bio will self-destruct in 5 seconds to protect their identities.