Sneaking into your girlfriend’s room in the middle of the night may not always require a ladder or a C-O-O-L necklace, but it’ll always require industrial-size gonads. Depending on whether your parents are KJO cool or Sairat savage, consequences for getting caught can range from being disowned to being disembowelled.

Oh, the success you can achieve by tapping into people’s need to be validated on social media! This is the reason urban and rural Indians alike have taken to the Kiki Challenge faster than Ganesh Gaitonde took to Cuckoo.

While keeping pace with ODIs and T20 matches feels like a breezy walk in the park, following Test matches is like slogging through quicksand. Maybe it’s time we did away with the antiquated format for good.

There’s more to be gained on Tinder than casual sex and long-term romance. Enterprising urban millennials are now using the app to increase their professional network, find their next freelance gig, and even meet a potential boss.

I’ve seen perfectly rational Indians pronounce awesome as “awwhsum” and sandwich as “sammich” while conversing with touristy Caucasians. Why do we feel the need to impress white folks with our English?

While I welcome the government’s initiative to subsidise the (frankly exorbitant) rates of food and beverages in multiplexes in Maharashtra, we should brace ourselves for impact.

Why are stoners in our beautiful country always enthusiastic about getting you to try their maal? I honestly have no idea what a Rizla is, and at this point, I am just too afraid to ask.

By the end of Jaane Tu… Ya Jaane Na, Meow and Rats left us with all kinds of #CoupleGoals. But whatever happened to feisty Aditi and chocolatey Jai post the end credits of the film?

Historically, reactions to my singing have varied from, “Kitna besura gaate ho!” and “We should start seeing other people.” But I found true companionship among the Besura Bevdas and Tully Gang at karaoke nights.

Back in school, we recklessly labelled girls “loose” and “easy” for things as mundane as the length of their skirts or having too many guy friends. Teachers often blamed them for “distracting boys’. Aren’t we all guilty of slut-shaming then?

We wish Arjun Tendulkar luck in his endeavour as a cricketer. If Baby Tendulkar possesses even half of Papa Sachin’s humble approach to fame, we have no reason to worry.

Meghna Srivastava of Step by Step school has topped the CBSE Class 12 Exams, scoring 99.8 per cent. Naturally, that’s a shame for her and her family because even toothpastes and toilet cleaners promise 99.9 per cent cleanliness.

Expecting to find a replacement for AB de Villiers is like wanting to find true love on Shaadi.com. To replace him, you need to be the batting backbone of the team, set new records in almost every match, and unite nations in grief during your retirement.

The Backstreet Boys, the best-selling boy band in history, have just dropped a new single, “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”. It’s a reminder that no matter how cool we now consider ourselves – working out of hipster cafés, watching subtitle-only films – we are the generation that once adored BSB.

“Sowing your wild oats” is an age-old, regressive idea ascribed to young men before the “settle down” phase. I’ve never set store by it, but watching my young friends seek sex outside marriage, I wonder if there is something to the theory. If we don’t play the field enough before shaadi, will we experience FOMO?

I took in a two-month-old spaniel to impress my girlfriend when I was 16. Sure, that relationship ended soon after. But Zippy has been my pillow, a silent yet effective shoulder to lean on. And seeing her age, is more painful that any heartbreak I’ve ever experienced.

Want to be as ripped to shreds on the outside as you are on the inside? Here’s a detailed guide on how to turn your nascent anxiety muscles into full-blown OCD-fuelled pythons.

My hotel suite on the 22nd floor has blinds covering glass windows and a white plastic rod at the bottom. I want to beat my teammates with the same rod. Record scratch. Freeze frame. Yep, that’s me, Gautam Gambhir. You’re probably wondering how I got here...

Mumbai Indians skipper Rohit Sharma is looking forward to meet Captain Kohli on the field today. “We do this really funny thing where he constantly brings up my inconsistent form and I bring up his IPL trophy total,” Sharma tells us.

Does your dating app bio include “#wanderlust”? You’re clearly a serial killer. Does your bio end with “Pizza. Gym. Netflix?” The only interesting thing about you is your ability to bond with people over whey protein and Bhai films.

If as moderate, secular Hindus we don’t want to be represented by the eight men who barbarically ended the eight-year-old girl’s life in the name of religion, we have no choice but to speak up and register our outrage. As long as we choose to look the other way, we are complicit.

Indian youth discovered that one of the biggest takeaways from Tuesday’s Mark Zuckerberg Senate hearing, was that like most of our older relatives, a majority of U.S. Senators are completely clueless about how social media works.

“Momsplaining”, unlike mansplaining, doesn’t come from a place of malice. It’s a form of affection that Desi Moms dish out and involves regularly sassing out your kids for their supposed incompetency.

Birthdays cease to be celebrations, once the needle goes beyond 25. Instead, they turn into annual reminders of unfulfilled potential, ever-ticking biological clocks, and how everyone your age is doing so much better than you.

Chhotey chhotey bhaiyon ke badey bhaiya, Prem Bhai has been sentenced to five years in jail in his 20-year-old blackbuck poaching case. What does his Hum Saath Saath Hain family think about the verdict?

“We’re sorry, Atul. But you just aren’t depressed, socially anxious, or bipolar enough to hang with us. In the interest of maintaining our #SquadGoalz, you and your norminess are hereby cancelled.”

Company-wide email greetings of “Happy Birthday, Pinky!” and “Welcome to the Team, Subodh!” were torturous enough. But the worst email threads are marred with Excel sheets, unsolicited feedback, and zero fucks from most participants involved.

On the basis of skill, Salman Khan’s dance repertoire has been limited at best. Yet, in an industry rife with Hrithiks and Shahids, the effortless swag of Bhai’s timeless moves remains the most imitable. Bhai, then, is the undisputed patron saint of all terrible dancers.

We live in an age where 100 likes on a post or 500 followers viewing your Instagram story is akin to a breakthrough moment in therapy. And filters like Clarendon, Amaro, and X-Pro II are more therapeutic than sessions with Freud himself.

Growing up in the ’90s was wondrous, and most millennials agree that their childhood was awesome. So, let’s drop the charade and do what we’ve wanted to for years: Turn ’90s nostalgia into a full-on sexual fetish.

It’s close to 1 am. Everyone at the party is happy drunk and are in their proverbial “good place.” The playlist is flowing along effortlessly. Switching between some laid-back Kendrick and evergreen AR Rahman. But then, they get the USB chord.

All through school, Kumar sir and his PT “exercises” combined all the beauty of flight attendants making safety announcements with all the grace of Sunny Deol dancing to “Yaara O Yaara”. To this day, my Pavlovian reaction to the sound of a whistle is breaking into march past.

In most of Mumbai, speaking basic-level Marathi is considered social currency. We rudimentary Marathi speakers are adept at doing “jhol” and possess an expertise in facilitating “mandavalee” with cops.

Humblebragging is an art. It requires the person to convey their soul-crushing need for validation and simultaneously showcase their inherent whininess. For example: “I hate that I’m so pretty! Nobody pays attention to what I’m saying.”

India’s relatively tame pop music scene experienced a kind of sexual resurgence in the early 2000s with the Remix Era. On our way to boyhood, many of us locked our rooms to ogle at a scantily clad Sophie Choudry and a gyrating Meghana Naidu.

Notable Kala Ghoda installations like the Mountain of Plastic Waste and this year’s Hara Ghoda represent profound causes. So it’s only fitting that your inherent insecurities gets a few of their own.

One minute, she’s Beyonce, the next she’s Reema Lagoo. Patriarchal Indian moms get by, hiding in plain sight.

Being in your 20s is hard enough without the added embarrassment of everyone on your feed knowing how much you’re sucking at it. Here are three simple social media hacks that’ll make it seem like you’re adulting just fine.

Whether it’s inspirational quotes pinned against a stock landscape photo or risqué limericks strewn across a gaudy backdrop, your preferred Good Morning message says more about your personality than you know. Which one of these four types are you?

The blatant objectification of adult film actress Nikita Bellucci by 12-year-olds begs the question: Do we need better parental controls and age restrictions for social media?

At the India Today South Conclave, Prakash Raj went full-on savage at the government, calling them out on everything from Karni Sena to Gauri Lankesh’s murder. When was the last time Bollywood took an uncomfortable political stand?

We managed to catch a hold of five poor saps who bit off a little more than they could chew, (some, literally). They are now collectively mourning the death of their 2018 resolutions.

On Hrithik Roshan’s 44th birthday, his old friend Jadoo is throwing him a surprise bash. We managed to get an invite for the party and it’s both heartwarming and ludicrous.

It’s comeback time for Whistle Podu-ers Chennai Super Kings and Halla Bolers Rajasthan Royals. Plus, Gautam Gambhir might be up for auction. Is IPL 2018 going to be full of surprises?

Barring outliers like “San Junipero”, Black Mirror isn’t renowned for its optimism. But the online dating-focused “Hang The DJ” strikes a hopeful, uplifting chord with lovelorn millennials.

What happened to the 3 idiots and Virus after the end credits? We did some digging and took a trip to Hiraniverse only to find out that not all izz well.

No one was happier than my vyapaar-savvy uncles when the BJP came to power in 2014. In the last 18 months, though, given the overall sense of helplessness in the market post demonetisation, their faith has been tested.

I’ve realised the sound logic behind the reason why people choose to be either cat or dog people. Living with the two is like being the referee at a tennis match. Actually, it’s like being the tennis ball.

We managed to get hold of Bitoo Sharma and Shruti Kakkar’s marriage counsellor, who, on the condition of anonymity, agreed to spill the beans on the couple’s life post the end-credits of Band Baaja Baaraat.

Over the last century or so, the availability of mass-produced cigarettes has unknowingly given rise to mobs of brand-loyal smokers, itching to fight you on why “mera brand best hai bro.”

To realise just how fucked up my friends are, all I had to do was spend a day with them without the distraction of my phone.

At its core, group tuitions are where your parents send you when they can’t afford day-care. I kid; it’s because you either lack responsibility or the intellect to study on your own.

Every year as the end of November rolls around, the “Hi, how are yous” collectively transform into the relentlessly cheery “Shaadi mein zaroor aanas”. Ready or not, Wedding Season has arrived.

India and WWE have a lot in common even though jacked white dudes fighting each other theatrically seems to be far from anything remotely Indian.

I was the stereotypical, pampered only child who never had to share his toys or his parents’ attention with anyone. It was the best thing in the world until my father died. Nothing made me feel the absence of a sibling more than my father’s untimely demise.

For South Asian millennials, an India-Sri Lanka match is akin to hentai porn: Not necessarily our first preference, but it’s good to know that the option is always there.

Urban Indian males like to think they are woke AF. They fight the good fight against gender biases, but they cringe the minute their fellow bro says lip balm or Adele.

Every pleb who has read an Immanuel Kant quote can call himself a sapiosexual. But I represent a more complex sub-branch of sapiosexuality. I have a sesquipedalian fetish, which means my dating life is very complicated.

A cocktail of diverse mindsets and eating habits is what forms most of the country’s cosmopolitan workforce. The lunchbox, then, is a reflection of your personality.

Even as Delhi reels under a winter smog and flails breathlessly, what stirs our feelings is not the word "smog", but the word, "winter".

“You see, nothing misdirects public opinion more swiftly than a cushy, closeted LGBTQ sob story,” says Frank Underwood about his coming-out story.

After hugging lustfully in front of the audience in 1997, Rahul and Pooja got hitched. But it’s not easy to live with a man who uses Coke as mouthwash and a woman who records all her feelings on audio cassettes.

What happened to Geet and Aditya 10 years after they met? We checked on the couple and it hasn’t been all “Mauja Hi Mauja”.

Every city has its own enchanted watering hole “jahaan iss waqt daaru milegi”. Here’s a field guide to the creatures you are likely to encounter there.

Every Sunday, at the stroke of noon, a group of Indians gathers to validate its privilege through Instagram filters of eggs Benedict and mimosa. This breed of people can be classified as snobby Sunday brunch-goers.

Jerry Seinfeld’s new Netflix special releases tonight. The man has been an inspiration to several budding comics, but would he have been written off as a fluff comic with no spine today?