Dear PM, this election season it’s getting a little harder to protect you from the vicious librandus. This time I’m left looking like an idiot, stuttering some vague cow-related facts in response to every question.

It’s 2019 and we’re going to vote for our politicians the same way we voted for our favourite Indian Idol contestants. Screw manifestoes, poll promises, and all that other boring shit. All we really want to see is who cracks the most popular joke on Twitter and creates a more viral hashtag.