When you love your city, you fight for its well-being, demand accountability from its administrators. Like Mumbai takes pride in its spirit, I’m hoping there will come a time when the residents of Gurgaon will say, “Yeh Gaon hamara hai.” That’s the only way to save our cities from imminent decay.

Can we please stop the hand-wringing over Suhana Khan on the Vogue cover? Don’t blame the magazine or nepotism – blame yourselves for falling over each other to see her #AirportLook. This is a classic case of the privileged, whining on about the super privileged.

The only flying creature that gets more hate than the pigeon is the mosquito. But in just a few weeks of the gutter birds taking up residence in my Gurgaon high-rise’s balcony, I was ready to put pigeons on top of my shit list.

Let’s get it clear once and for all – anybody who’s portly, balding, and oldish-looking is not your uncle or aunt. Especially when they are rank strangers who had no role to play in your growing-up years. It’s not respectful either; you are resorting to lazy stereotyping based entirely on how they look.

How does every mistri, mali, or kabadiwalla in the city automatically become a bhaiya? It’s either that, or abbey oye and abbey hatt. It’s crucial to remember that the term bhaiya comes with a guarantee of indifference and zero trace of compassion.

As Indians, we know time is fluid, which makes things difficult for us punctual ones. Once I managed to reach an hour late only to realise that, no matter how late you are, others will be later still. We have to be the only nation where everyone is in such a tearing hurry and yet always behind schedule.

When Sinead O’Connor sang “Nothing Compares to You” for her love that walked out of her life, she had obviously not discovered the orgasmic pleasure of slipping into soft pyjamas and a braless tee after a long tiring day. Especially when the pyjama is as old as the Big Bang and the top has as many holes as there are stars in the sky

My journey to fame, success, and greatness is plagued by self doubt and questions like, “Did I lock the main door when I left the house” or “Have I left the gas stove on” echoing in my head in full Dolby fidelity.

Dogorrhea is a medical condition that affects one in every twenty humans on the planet. If you are a dog owner, you are most likely already infected. Dogorrhea makes people believe that anyone who isn’t besotted with canines is an asshole. And anyone who isn’t a canine is an idiot.

Safaris start with a lot of excitement and end up in complete disappointment. At the end of it all, you emerge dustier than Gurgaon in peak summer. And all you spot is tiger poop, pug marks, and indifferent deer.

Spider-Man is on a new mission now. After setting the world right, he’s ready to set his home right. What good are his superpowers if he can’t make the dishes sparkle, the carpet bright, and the floors shiny and white?

Why is the average Bengali Bhodrolok such a Sulk Smitha? He can convey 50 degrees of hurt with his eyes. His sigh is heavier than a boulder that proceeds to place itself on your heart. His slow gait is like the screeching sound of chalk on a board.