Purba Ray

Nearly funny, almost liberal, rarely serious, Purba likes to keep a safe distance from perfection. Unfortunately she has an opinion on everything, fact or fiction, beginnings or ends, light or heavy, long and short.

  • delhiairquality How to Survive Diwali in Smoggy Delhi: A Healthy Dose of Vitamin D (Denial and Delusion)

    Delhi air quality was bad, is bad, and will always be bad. All I need is to give two tights slaps to my lazy lungs to stop them from acting tantrummy.

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  • SoanPapdi Soan Papdi, Meri Soan Papdi: An Homage to the Nice Guy of Diwali Mithais

    The soan papdi is the nice guy of mithais. Humble, always available yet taken for granted and dumped the moment an exciting option like kaju katli or rasmalai makes an appearance. Soan papdi is like the human soul: It can never be destroyed, it simply takes on a new life as it moves from neighbour to neighbour.

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  • MeToo #MeThoo: The Legend of India’s Spit Personalities

    I truly admire the man with gutkha spit swirling inside his mouth. He is the undisputed leader of India’s #MeThoo movement. It requires a dogged devotion to cancer to ignore those ghastly images of half-eaten faces plastered on gutkha packs before emptying that thing into your mouth day after day.

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  • Sita Sita Spends Her Dussehra Break In Lanka

    Lanka is not Ram’s favourite holiday destination, but I somehow convinced him to make a trip again. I promised him it won’t be like his last visit – no building bridges and fighting 10-headed macho men. We hired a cabbie to take us around and he reminded me of home. He fleeced us. I miss the days Hanuman would fly us around.

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  • NiceGuys Dear Nice Guys, Stop Congratulating Yourself for Not Being Harassers

    If you think you are a “nice guy” who doesn’t harass women, please stop behaving like you have a halo around your head. And if you are eager for the great guy tag, you will have to do much more than look the other way when you see any woman getting molested and humiliated.

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  • adulterylaw Kisko Pyaar Karoon? The Dilemma of a Married Woman in a World Where Adultery Isn’t Criminal

    The adultery verdict has acknowledged that I am no longer my husband’s property, and can have sexual desires of my own. But look at the choices around me. What do you expect from men whose idea of funny is a sexist WhatsApp forward that reduces the wife to a scheming shrew who shops all day and says no to sex?

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  • Yeh Gaon Hamara Hai: Loving Gurgaon is One Way of Saving It

    When you love your city, you fight for its well-being, demand accountability from its administrators. Like Mumbai takes pride in its spirit, I’m hoping there will come a time when the residents of Gurgaon will say, “Yeh Gaon hamara hai.” That’s the only way to save our cities from imminent decay.

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  • vogue Suhana Suffer: Stop Whining about the Vogue Cover

    Can we please stop the hand-wringing over Suhana Khan on the Vogue cover? Don’t blame the magazine or nepotism – blame yourselves for falling over each other to see her #AirportLook. This is a classic case of the privileged, whining on about the super privileged.

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  • Kabootar Ja Ja Ja: Why Pigeons Top My Hate List

    The only flying creature that gets more hate than the pigeon is the mosquito. But in just a few weeks of the gutter birds taking up residence in my Gurgaon high-rise’s balcony, I was ready to put pigeons on top of my shit list.

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  • Can We Please Stop the Uncle-isation and Aunty-fication of Everyone?

    Let’s get it clear once and for all – anybody who’s portly, balding, and oldish-looking is not your uncle or aunt. Especially when they are rank strangers who had no role to play in your growing-up years. It’s not respectful either; you are resorting to lazy stereotyping based entirely on how they look.

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  • bhaiya Stop the Bhaiya-fication of Every Istri, Chai, & Taxi Wala Already

    How does every mistri, mali, or kabadiwalla in the city automatically become a bhaiya? It’s either that, or abbey oye and abbey hatt. It’s crucial to remember that the term bhaiya comes with a guarantee of indifference and zero trace of compassion.

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  • I’m an Indian & I’ll Be There By Sharp Late O’Clock

    As Indians, we know time is fluid, which makes things difficult for us punctual ones. Once I managed to reach an hour late only to realise that, no matter how late you are, others will be later still. We have to be the only nation where everyone is in such a tearing hurry and yet always behind schedule.

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  • PJs I Love You: The Joy of Being Jhalla in Your Tattered Pyjama

    When Sinead O’Connor sang “Nothing Compares to You” for her love that walked out of her life, she had obviously not discovered the orgasmic pleasure of slipping into soft pyjamas and a braless tee after a long tiring day. Especially when the pyjama is as old as the Big Bang and the top has as many holes as there are stars in the sky

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  • The Question That Lies Between Us & Greatness: “Have I Left the Gas On?”

    My journey to fame, success, and greatness is plagued by self doubt and questions like, “Did I lock the main door when I left the house” or “Have I left the gas stove on” echoing in my head in full Dolby fidelity.

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  • Dogorrhea: The Deadly Disease that Plagues Doggy Moms

    Dogorrhea is a medical condition that affects one in every twenty humans on the planet. If you are a dog owner, you are most likely already infected. Dogorrhea makes people believe that anyone who isn’t besotted with canines is an asshole. And anyone who isn’t a canine is an idiot.

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  • Safari Wild Wild Mess: The Suffering Named Safari

    Safaris start with a lot of excitement and end up in complete disappointment. At the end of it all, you emerge dustier than Gurgaon in peak summer. And all you spot is tiger poop, pug marks, and indifferent deer.

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  • Spider-man Spider-Man, Your Friendly Neighbourhood House Husband

    Spider-Man is on a new mission now. After setting the world right, he’s ready to set his home right. What good are his superpowers if he can’t make the dishes sparkle, the carpet bright, and the floors shiny and white?

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  • BengaliBhadrolok What’s Eating Bengali Bhodrolok? Their “Obhimaan”

    Why is the average Bengali Bhodrolok such a Sulk Smitha? He can convey 50 degrees of hurt with his eyes. His sigh is heavier than a boulder that proceeds to place itself on your heart. His slow gait is like the screeching sound of chalk on a board.

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