Upset that they have to spend a vacation in Gurugram, several Karnataka BJP leaders revolted against their party leadership on Friday. They’ve challenged the BJP to move them to a luxury resort by 2024.

An investigation reveals why it took three years for the Delhi police to file the charge sheet against Kanhaiya Kumar and Umar Khalid. The officers first assigned with the task loved the campus life and refused to leave.

Sources say, Boney Kapoor, who investigated the sexual harassment charge against filmmaker Raju Hirani, with the help of the now-defunct CID, will write the screenplay. Chetan Bhagat to write a novel based on movie when he gets an afternoon off.

In a Kumbh miracle, Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi finally agree on something – banning women from Sabarimala. Sources say Karan Johar now plans to host the long-lost brothers on Koffee With Karan.

A source close to the PMO said that the PM is bored of flying kites in the traditional manner, blasting Falguni Pathak songs and shouting ‘lapet’ everytime someone’s kite gets cut. All he needs is a microphone.

Congress workers are really worried about their chief Rahul Gandhi, who is more obsessed with Rafale than Ranveer Singh is with bling. “We miss the days baba spent watching Chhota Bheem, taking selfies with farmers, and saying the words ‘women empowerment’ repeatedly,” said a party worker.

The beleaguered cricketer who made misogynist comments on Koffee With Karan, has decided to hire an image makeover firm to launch the Swacchh Hardik campaign. Going forward there will be no more sleazy, off-the-cuff tann ki baat, only well-rehearsed, politically correct mann ki baat.

Mumbai commuters were unaware of the 48-hour Bharat Bandh called by trade unions across the country. Those who had believed that the Western Express Highway would have less traffic, had their hopes cruelly dashed.

Congress chief asks PM Modi why the CID team was let go despite 21 years of collective crime-solving experience; somehow manages to bring up Rafale deal again.

Sources say PM Narendra Modi will feature shots of the Prime Minister tackling tough questions on cow vigilantism, Rafale; Vivek Oberoi locks himself in abandoned Kingfisher aircraft to prepare for the greatest role of his life.

A day after Supreme Court notices lead in Maggi, Nasa discovers giant lead reserves in hostels, PGs, and bachelor pads across the country. Indian government asks the space agency to look for gold in the RBI next.

After yet another poor performance by opener KL Rahul in Australia, coach Ravi Shastri had no choice but turn to that one person who comes to the rescue of every Indian in trouble overseas – Sushma Swaraj. “We know, your party wants nothing to do with anyone named Rahul, but please help ma’am,” Shastri wrote.

Women who broke into the Sabarimala shrine credit SRK’s Raj Aryan from Mohabbatein for encouraging them to take this step. Sources have been hallucinating about Amitabh Bachchan expelling devotees from the entrance of the shrine.

“Not only did we nullify Pujara’s one and half days of laboured effort, we did it in style with a much better strike rate than Pujara,” Australian ex-captain Ricky Ponting told reporters. Sources say he’s targeting the chief statistician position in the Mumbai Indians team.

Days after Chief Minister Yogi Adityanath asks state authorities to come up with better shelters for stray cows, Allahabad-based startup GOYO rooms announces 5-star facilities for bovine visitors.

Yoga guru Baba Ramdev recently said that it was “very difficult” to predict the next Prime Minister of India. Soon after this bizarre statement, a BJP leader was charged for gomutra at Ramdev’s ashram. Analysts are unsure about what ticked the yoga guru-cum-businessman off.

“Wholly scientific” formula published by UP government after 4,000 years of research tells you how many cows you’re worth and vice-versa. It’s being hailed as India’s biggest contribution to mathematics since Aryabhata’s zero.

The wife of a parliamentarian is reportedly angry with him after he cancelled vacation plans to attend the winter session. Sources say she had scouted the perfect package for a year-end vacation to Italy, but he refused to go saying he had work.

Anyone who dares to talk about the lack of transparency on Arnab Goswami’s primetime show tonight, is the perfect candidate for us, say producers of reality show Khatron Ke Khiladi.

After Supreme Court says there is no need to investigate the Rafale deal further, hordes of protestors from the Congress stormed the streets. Confusing Rafael with Rafale and Hollande with Holland, some have set Nadal effigies on fire, others have cancelled their trip to Amsterdam.

Shaktikanta Das, recently appointed the RBI Governor after Urjit Patel’s resignation, was unable to study Economics in college because the university was too far from his house. Sources in the government say he’s now bought a copy of Freakonomics.

Bollywood actor cancels his own wedding to attend the event of the year, Isha Ambani’s wedding with Anand Piramal, at Antilia. Several guests caught throwing khakra in polar bear enclosure.

Sources say pop sensation Beyoncé is prepared to follow up on her Ambani wedding performance, with an all-new tracklist. Songs will include, “All the single Yogis”, a powerful diss track, and “Dung in Love”, a ballad for all BJP supporters in these trying times.

Impressed by the method he used to encourage Pat Cummins to hit a six, UN committee asks Rishabh Pant to deliver Ted Talk at next G20 summit. Pant plans to tell Trump he’s no match for Putin.

Sources say if the UP CM helps the Kedarnath filmmakers, Shiv bhakts will disown him and Rahul Gandhi will declare himself a Shiv Bhakt. If he doesn’t, he will lose his reputation for being the Vin Diesel of name changes.

A day after the Supreme Court pulled up the government for sending the CBI chief on exile, the government says it has video proof that the decision was made after following due procedure – a best of five coin toss.

Taimur Ali Khan can’t fill tabloid pages by himself anymore, says his nanny Savitri. We were hoping a Virushka baby would share the responsibility.

The IIT Madras vigilance officer, who counted used condom packets from the dustbins of the campus, is the frontrunner for the CBI chief post. Sources say the government is impressed by his razor-sharp vision.

NITI Aayog member says weddings will kick-start the Indian economy in the coming quarter, will ask Salman Khan to get married next in case things go south.

In an Instagram post, Priyanka Chopra’s second aunt says that Nick Jonas is “kanjoos” for getting married in Jodhpur, wishes she was related to Deepika Padukone instead.

In what is touted to be the most expensive movie ever made, Maharaja Window Seat films plans a biopic on Prime Minister’s travels; Imtiaz Ali already in Mongolia.

Leader says Supreme Court ignored RSS’s draft on Ayodhya verdict. He demands that the government start an appraisal system for judges who don’t stick to the script.

While NASA has managed to land a robot on Mars, India had an achievement of its own, when an autowallah in Mumbai actually agreed to go to Andheri. The driver, who had recently arrived from Kanpur in UP, was yet unfamiliar with the ways of Mumbai.

Impressive projects like the Shivaji statue in Maharashtra, the Ram statue in UP, and Cauvery statue in Karnataka are all in the pipeline, creating, for the first time since 2014, an abundance of jobs.

Why is Sajid Khan thankful for #MeToo? What are DeepVeer most grateful for? Find out how Indian celebrities and politicians celebrated this Thanksgiving.

Explosive report claims Hanuman took shelter in Haji Ali when he went looking for jadi buti. Uddhav Thackeray asked to change name immediately if he wants credit for Ram Mandir.

Karan Johar is launching a new show Toffee With Karan, which will host only star kids. The toffee hamper, sources tell us, will include a Taimur doll.

The traffic in Bengaluru has worsened with guests arriving a day ahead of Deepika Padukone and Ranveer Singh’s reception. Some relatives have decided to start walking toward the venue from today.

Bajrang Dal activists who helped reclaim Tejo Mahalaya from foreign invaders turned away from Sabarimala temple. They alleged that the guards were from Pakistan.

Dharma Productions says the launch calendar of star kids is full until 2038. Deepika-Ranveer and other Bollywood couples have been asked to consult Karan Johar before family planning.

Also part of the new reforms is verbal oath that MNS workers won’t beat someone who hasn’t fully recovered from their previous beating; toll booth workers are reportedly ecstatic.

Dassault chief Eric Trappier is so confident he is telling the truth about the Rafale deal, he’s willing to be thoroughly interrogated by the Noida police. Will also attend Arnab Goswami’s debate so the nation finally hears the truth.

Not wanting to offend sentiments, government sets up high-level committee of the finest Agarwal, Aggarwal, and Agrawals in the country – along with Shashi Tharoor – to come to a conclusion; considers implementing an odd-even-like scheme.

Responding to the Indian skipper’s “leave India” remark, a minister said, “If Kohli really wants to learn how to put anti-nationals in their place, I would recommend he listen to Giriraj bhai or Yogi ji’s inspiring speeches during his morning workout routine.”

The super-slow RBI printing machines took 18 months to share the box office collection tally of 2016 sleeper hit, Thugs of Hindostan – The Demonetisation Edition. Trade analysts think that it should take only another week, before they get a clearer idea of what the sequel stands to make.

Rome wasn’t built in a day. But a UP politician said he could build a Ram statue along with the mandir faster than anything – only if Ayodhya had enough smog to keep their covert operation a secret.

The Delhi smog has made life difficult for its many citizens. Not only is the air they breathe in toxic AF, Rahul Khanna, who sources identified as a “cheater”, returned to Mumbai alone after Anjali accidentally married the wrong man because she couldn’t see the groom.

In an emotional letter written to the Supreme Court, government explains why it can’t share Rafale details; uses Baby Taimur to get sympathy.

With the covert participation of DRDO, ISRO, and the PMO, the Statue of Unity features several cutting-edge innovations that make it more than just a memorial. From tracking down loan defaulters and launching moon missions, here’s what our country’s newest statue could be used for.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. The PMO has reached out to Congress MP Baba Siddique, who was in the past credited for re-uniting Shah Rukh and Salman Khan, to convince Donald Trump to accept Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s invite.

Even as the Ayodhya hearing gets deferred, the Rath Yatra that started it all, is finally getting an upgrade like all of India’s train services. Scientists say the new rath can take you from Allahabad to Prayagraj in just one minute.

Just like Trump detractors in the US, “thain thain” bomb has been sent to hundreds of politicians in the last 20 hours. Recipients are asked to forward message to five people immediately, if they want to contest elections again.

In an exclusive interview, the IB officials caught snooping on Alok Verma tell us they found giant cutout of François Hollande inside Verma’s puja room. They are all fans of international spy, James Bond.

After MJ Akbar said that lies don’t have legs, an army of 97 lawyers defending him pointed out that they might not have adequate leg space in a courtroom to fight the sexual harassment cases against him.

With 20,000-odd cases against politicians and criminals closed, Prayagraj will boast of a zero crime record. UP’s new township for the modern Hindu bhakt is the city everyone should live in.

With the future of Housefull 4 in jeopardy, producers says members of the Sleazy Sajid Club will be disappointed. The biggest loser as always is Bollywood.

After Shashi Tharoor used the word “floccinaucinihilipilification” to talk about his new book, Twitter considers increasing the character limit so that he can complete a tweet.

The railway ministry is planning to introduce a state-of-the-art “free yourself from derailment” system. It involves teaching travellers to be on their toes and jump off the bogies if they feel the train may go off the track.

India’s #MeToo moment has ensured the reputations of supposedly woke people gets Banksy’d. In the aftermath, Amitabh Bachchan plans to pen an open letter and a new-age Bollywood director has promised to take action against colleagues accused of harassment three-four years after the incident is brought to his attention.

The government’s immensely generous ₹2.5-₹5 drop in petrol prices has given thousands of people the financial freedom they needed to buy two packets of peanuts instead of one.

What happens when two of the world’s fittest leaders meet? A discussion on arms turns into a conversation about which leader has the larger bicep. Russia’s Vladimir Putin takes of his shirt and PM Modi talks about his “STREANH”.

With the rupee hitting an all-time low, a 10-year-old from Haryana tells shocked relatives he will only accept dollars for kharchi.

In the interview of the year, Uttar Pradesh chief minister Adityanath opens up about his policies in Uttar Pradesh, the recent spate of extra-judicial killings and beatings, his critics, and his new-found love: The Fast and the Furious series.

With chest-thumping competitions, barbadi biryani, and seminars on how to shoot rockets off your shoulder, India’s first Surgical Strike Day at universities is a massive success!

A Supreme Court verdict decided that we don’t have to link our Aadhaar with our bank accounts and mobile phones. Explosive investigations now reveal private organisations are shutting down because they are no longer allowed to send users 43 annoying SMSes a day.

The Supreme Court has left it to the Parliament to take a call on criminal politicians. After an Uttar Pradesh party announced it would give tickets to Shambhulal Regar and the Dadri lynching accused, aspiring politicians are scrambling to chest-thump over their own crimes.

For the prize of a herd of high-yield milch cows and a designer gaushala, the Uttarakhand government is inviting participants for their new reality show, aimed at entrenching the cow’s position as the mother of the nation.

Reports emerge about JNU students’ insidious plan to take over the country. Expect a barrage of jholas, and a number of contraceptives to be thrown in your face, while the army prepares the 36 Rafale jets to counter protestors.

Bigg Boss participants refuse to perform tasks until Anup Jalota sings more than seven words without getting distracted. Sponsors too have threatened to pull out if singer doesn’t finish the bhajan.

Patanjali has created a new “miracle” product that will not only act as a cheaper substitute for petrol, but can also be used as gomutra, fairness cream, and lubricant.

An exclusive report submitted by the investigation agency details the measures that were taken to bring the fugitive home. Claims Mallya’s escape plans inspired by Cartoon Network.

If Raghuram Rajan really wanted the PMO to pay heed to his report on high-profile fraud cases, he should have tweeted it to the official handle. Isn’t he aware that the PMO is more active on social media than anywhere else?

BJP to send pamphlets from the PM’s foreign visits straight to your house. Armed with a FitBit report, Congress hits back by hiring Rahul Gandhi as the world’s fastest delivery boy.

Mumbaikars hope the rise in petrol prices goes the Sachin way – simply crawl after reaching the 90 mark. Sachin-crazed fans have decided to hold a hawan to invoke their God and prove to the world the power of the nervous nineties.

Thanks to PM Modi’s clout on the global stage, UNESCO has favoured our country, and selected a few clueless desi politicians for its new education scheme, part of its International Literacy Day initiative. Ram Kadam is expected to get a lesson on consent and Subramanian Swamy on… everything.

Ram Kadam launches new kidnap app, Rent a Raavan, in Mumbai. The service will be rolled out across the country once enough Omni vans have been commissioned.

As petrol prices compete with Titanium prices, a Mumbai businessman made the rich list. “I sold two bedrooms of my 3BHK to fill that tank,” the businessman said. “Next week I plan to sell the third and move into my car.”

Two years after demonetisation, almost all the old currency notes have returned to the government, barring ₹10,000 crore. That’s a hella lot black money! Who’s going to build those extra statues we were promised would be erected in the middle of the sea, now?

The Jio Institute’s “Nation Wants to Know” Achievers Programme features the men behind the half-man-half peacock and the only legit counter to Charles Darwin. Find out who all made the cut.

After the CM ordered that he wants Mumbai’s roads to look like Hema Malini’s cheeks, the BMC has found a novel solution: They will get rid of the patches of roads between potholes to ensure consistency.

A special behind-the-scenes preview of the future of Indian universities, the Jio Institute, starring the Bachchans and the Kapoors, students in Abu Jani & Sandeep Khosla uniforms, 100 per cent pure-veg dhoklas, and chemistry labs with cheerleaders.

Elon Musk, not satisfied with sending cars into space, has decided to be needlessly proactive yet again. Days after he offered a kid-sized submarine to Thai authorities to help save children stuck in a cave, sources say that the BMC has ordered 50 of the same to help Mumbaikars commute this monsoon.

A day after the Supreme Court ruling effectively gave him the upper hand over the Lieutenant Governor in Delhi, Arvind Kejriwal is starting to resemble Bhiku Mhatre, the king of Mumbai, from cult film Satya.

After his histrionics in this edition of the FIFA World Cup, Neymar has attracted the attention of Bollywood for both his acting skills and resemblance to Kunal Khemu.

As Sanju breaks all box-office records, the film’s director Rajkumar Hirani is flooded with applications from Salman Khan and Shiney Ahuja to be considered for his next biopic. After all, who needs courts when you have Rajkumar Hirani to prove to the world that you are not guilty.