Petitions and Pettiness: The Kangana Ranaut Story

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Petitions and Pettiness: The Kangana Ranaut Story

Illustration: Shruti Yatam/Arré

I

n today’s breaking (and totally not ridiculous) news, Kangana Ranaut refused to sign Shabana Azmi’s petition supporting Deepika Padukone against Karni Sena’s death threats, choosing this as the most appropriate moment to remind the world about her fight with Hrithik Roshan.

Her protest comes at an important time; a time that we, as a nation, were beginning to forget about the whole Hrithik-Kangana thing. So Kangana decided, enough of Deepika and Padmavati and all that nonsense, let the nation not forget what is of prime importance — that her relationship with Hrithik was the most popular piece of “entertainment news” India has seen in a couple of years. It was so popular the government almost planned to ride Kangana-Hrithik headlines to remind people to link their Aadhar cards to stuff.

I’d like to state here that I completely support Kangana’s totally-not-petty move. My support comes less out of concern for her personal feelings, but more out of the fear that I’ll one day be trapped in a dark room with a serial killer, and Kangana will be helping him sharpen his knives in the event that I don’t.

But Kangana, you’re in need of a bit of a newsflash, and I don’t mean the sight of Arnab Goswami’s privates. Listen to this carefully: Fighting with someone does not mean that you become a supporter of groups that threaten to dismember body parts of another someone. See, when it comes to dismembering, kidnapping and other rough stuff, people put their shit aside. It’s a normal human response. I could fight with my partner about pet duties, or my ex about cheating on me, or even my building watchman about water supply, but the day that person has a fatwa issued against them, I would probably not remind them about how they didn’t clean up after the dog. No, I fight against the fatwa. It’s called adulting. You should try it sometime.  

After months of playing Mother Superior and threatening to expose the inner workings of the nepotistic and evil industry that is Bollywood, this move, I must say, is a severe let-down. It’s like you came in promising to be Bollywood’s Million Dollar Baby and left us with a re-enactment of Mean Girls. Remember Kangana, petty tiffs may come and go but radical outfits last forever.

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