Who Takes Home “The Spoils of War”?

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Who Takes Home “The Spoils of War”?

Illustration: Sushant Ahire

“When the heart starts pounding,
The mind loses steam
As Jaime charges down Dany,
We lose memory of our team.”

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ow that all is said and done, we can catch our breath and properly place “The Spoils of War”, in the pantheon of great Game of Thrones episodes. It could be Top Three, Top Five, or Top Ten, but for the emotional rollercoaster and the confusion it created in our rooting interests with Bronn and Jaime taking on Dany and Drogon, “The Spoils of War” was a masterpiece.

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In just the first 20 minutes of the episode, we witnessed the most emotional moment in seven seasons when fan favourite Arya was reunited with Sansa and Bran, and it was only the 292992th most important thing to happen over the span of the shortest Thrones episode yet.

Without further ado, here’s a look at the contenders vying for the spoils of war:

Dany and Drogon

After waiting all her life to fight for her rightful throne, Dany has been patiently listening to clever men around her, telling her how she should plan her attack. “Don’t attack with fire, you will be queen of the ashes,” Tyrion, Varys, and now Jon told her, but here she was, listening to the OG Lady Olenna (RIP), and finally living up to her rep as the Mother of Dragons.

Game of thrones

Image Credit / HBO

Dany unleashed the Dothraki on an unsuspecting Jaime, Bronn, and Dickon (DickOn?), and added some Drogon for the fun of it. Lannister soldiers became ash before Jaime could help, and were blown away by the wind before he could even count their bodies. We finally saw the Dothraki on Westerosi soil, and they were brutal, visceral, and victorious. Most importantly, we saw Drogon take Qyburn’s big crossbow in the shoulder, and still come back to fight.

Jaime is in the water, Bronn could be dead, and DickOn is probably now DickOff. Not a bad day’s work for the Dragon Queen.

Bronn

What a fucking legend!

Westeros hasn’t seen a dragon in centuries, and Bronn looked it in the eye and said, “Come on, you fucker,” and nearly killed it. Bronn used the same dragon-killing Scorpion to skewer a Dothraki leader at point-blank range, got the trademark GoT tracking shot à la Jon in “The Battle of the Bastards”, left his bag of gold to dive in front of Drogon’s flames to save Jaime, while being the audience’s proxy, and FINALLY gave a proper response to Dickon saying his stupid fucking name: Dickon.

Game of Thrones

Image Credit / HBO

Bronn, the “Almost Dragon Slayer”, the Protector of the Lannisters, and the hero of our hearts, is always a winner, but even more so in this episode.

Meera Reed

For better part of three seasons, the beautiful teenage princess, Meera Reed has been literally pushing a wagon holding Brandon Stark to whatever place he might see in his head. She sacrificed her brother, her youth, and very nearly herself to save Bran, and when it came time to bid adieu, Bran became every asshole dude in the world, the one who wouldn’t value a great girl.

“I’m leaving,” Meera said.

“Thank you,” Brann replied.

“Is that all you have to say?” asked Meera, with a heart heavier than Jaime’s golden hand.

In a show where most people are shades of grey, struggling between good and bad, Meera has always been good, true, and caring and loving, and by the looks of it, fell in love with Bran, only to find out that Bran actually died in the cave with Hodor, and all that is left is a young Three-Eyed Raven.

It was a heartbreaking exchange (I shed a tear), and Meera walked away with a broken dream, one which even Brann couldn’t see. And this is why she is a contender for winner of the episode, because imagine how bad it could’ve been if she loved Bran more. Meera, then, is a winner for getting past the bullshit and taking her life back from the idiot who might be all-seeing, but turned out to be just another dude scared of commitment.

Jaime Lannister

In Season One, Robert Baratheon once said, “Only a fool would meet the Dothraki in an open field.”

Open field, meet lovable fool Jaime Lannister.

Sure, Jaime Lannister is a sister fucker. Sure, he threw a young boy off the ledge. And sure, he told Edmure Tully he’d catapult his newborn baby into the walls of a castle. But Jaime isn’t a coward; he’s a simple man who loves his sister and loves to fight the fight.

Jaime Lannister

Image Credit / HBO

When the Dothraki horde appears, the unprepared Jaime says, “We can hold them off.” And when Drogon’s outline covers the horizon, he stays to fight some more. In addition, the Kingslayer, all alone, saw his men burnt to the ground, and with one hand charged toward Dany in an attempt to become Queenslayer. It didn’t work, but Jaime has faced Drogon’s wrath lived to tell the tale.

And the winners are…

Dany and Drogon!

In the most gruesome battle in over 100 years, songs of Dany’s win will be sung throughout Westeros, with jokes about Cersei’s big crossbow adding punchlines. Most of the Lannister soldiers are dead, their commander and the Queen’s love probably captured, with the Dothraki and Drogon mostly intact. Dany dealt a massive blow to Cersei and her backers, and to the victor, go the spoils.

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