Someone Named Tejas Joined the Army & Other Top Stories

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Someone Named Tejas Joined the Army & Other Top Stories

Illustration: Namaah/ Arré

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NDIA: 

New tree species named Kejriwal discovered in Goa
Panaji: Scientists were alarmed on Wednesday when they stumbled upon a new human-like species of tree in Goa. One researcher said he had never seen anything like it. “It moves, it talks, and it wears glasses! We were lucky to have found it in full bloom,” he told reporters, while taking a selfie with the new hardwood. The discovery took the internet by storm, with a bunch of trolls tweeting about how much they liked trees. You can see the entire compiled list on Twitter.

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TECHNOLOGY:

Someone called Tejas joined the army, and we couldn’t be more excited
New Delhi: A person named Tejas joined the Indian Army with much fanfare on Friday, triggering a flurry of reports and Twitter congratulations. This publication was unable to get access to the Tejas in question, but managed to score an interview with another Tejas. “Who the f*** are you guys? How did you get into my house,” he asked, rather excitedly, when we walked in with three cameras.

SPORTS:

Six teams to look out for in the Euro final six
Paris: There are six teams left in the Euro 2016, top analysts pointed out in an exclusive interview with Newsweak on Friday. “According to our analysis, the top teams to watch out for this year are the final six teams left in the tournament,” a Mumbai-based actor and sports analyst said. He also spoke about dribbling the ball and smart substitutions. “India is not in Europe,” he added, with a wink.

TRAVEL: 

900 waterfalls to bathe in this monsoon!
Mumbai: It’s monsoon again and this time it’s actually raining. We’ve taken the effort to compile a list of the top 900 destinations near Mumbai, where you can enjoy this rare annual event. To see the full list, click on the next six links, ignore all the pornographic content and sponsored posts until you reach a slideshow. Then click through about sixteen more ads until you finally reach our listicle!

ENTERTAINMENT:

You’ll never believe how old this former celebrity has become
Los Angeles: A celebrity born in 1938 has now become really old, according to an exclusive report in WeLuvRichPeople magazine. Scientists say the phenomenon is fairly common, but that hasn’t stopped hordes of people gathering to stare at the wrinkles. “I’m 78 years old. Leave me alone,” the celebrity said later, while swatting photographers off her back.

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