Checking in on Prem Bhai 20 Years After the Blackbuck Killing

Humour

Checking in on Prem Bhai 20 Years After the Blackbuck Killing

Illustration: Juergen Dsouza

R

amkishan ji’s entire family is aghast over their once-sanskari launda’s dramatic transformation over the past two decades. As always, we sit down with our friendly neighbourhood Bollywood therapist as he spills the beans on what the family is going through.

So, tell us doc, what’s been up with Ramkishan Ji’s parivaar since that fated day in 1998?

You must realise that this is a family that was so hopped up on sansksar (and maybe LSD too), it took them decades to understand just how mind-numbingly stupid they looked to the rest of the world. Soon after Prem got married to Dr Sonali, it became apparent that the low-key horny couple would have to suffer the same honeymoon they subjected Vivek bhaiya and Sadhana bhabhi to. And thus began their “Straight Outta Barjatya” roadtrip to Rampur. Halfway through the torture of insufferable alphabet songs and unsuccessful games of footsie with the missus, Prem Bhai made the ill-fated decision of trying out the then-unheard driverless feature for the bus. The accident had some… how do you say, casualties.

Ouch, that must have sucked for the Ramkishan family.

Yeah, but even more for the homeless man’s family.

Of course. But all was okay despite the accident, right?

I mean, depends on how you look at it. Sure, things went south for Dr Sonali and Prem soon after that incident. But in many ways, all the publicity it gave him and his newfound bad-boy persona in the media lead Prem Bhai to have a life-altering realisation: Sanskar is for wusses. Prem Bhai was officially done with the bade bhaiya life. The cognitive dissonance of being raised sanskari yet wanting all the perks of the bad manchild image led him to cut all ties with his family. This was around the time Prem Bhai began spiralling down a seemingly endless loop of hot women, boozy brawls, and body-building. And just like that, Bhai was born.

That sounds fucking amazing!

Not entirely. Disillusioned with the sanskari life, Bhai got rid of his shirt. And the ability to talk without a fake accent. But while all this sounds great on paper, deep inside, he was still an emotional wreck trying to deal with the reality of being a manchild with too much money and too little talent. So alone was Bhai, that he even shot down some deer friends for getting in his way.

Umm… What?

*Dear friends. As in, he shot down some of his close friends for not being on-board with his decisions.

Sorry, we got ahead of ourselves. S0 then what happened?

Remember Mumu’s three vampy friends? The ones that tried to part the family? Well, they sensed Prem’s vulnerability and the treacherous trio had a trick up their sleeve. To fully exploit Bhai’s brooder phase, they sent their personal hairstylist to work with Bhai in Tere Naam.

Sneaky! But clearly, business is booming for Bhai. Has this changed his rapport with his family?

Vivek Bhaiya and Vinod are both estranged with Prem except for Iftaar, Diwali, and Eid. And of course, when it’s time to launch some two-decade-old prodigy or project that needs Bhai’s mentoring. Say what you will, in this business, Bhai ka haath does wonders. Just ask his ex-girlfriends.

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