Arré Checklist: Who’s Going to be Watching the Supermoon?

Humour

Arré Checklist: Who’s Going to be Watching the Supermoon?

Illustration: Sushant Ahire/Arré

 

I

t’s time for another supermoon, or as Indian scientists call it, “Western Diwali”. This time around, the lunar wonder can be seen in India, so we don’t have to rely on YouTube videos, but can instead watch it live through a sea of pollution. You do have to link your Aadhaar card in advance to avail these benefits, though, but everyone is of the consensus that it will be well worth the pain.

Advertisement

Apart from offering you a chance of discovering which one of your friends is secretly a werewolf, the Supermoon is also an impactful moment for anthropology enthusiasts, seeing as it is one of the only nights where the rare Humans of the Supermoon species are spotted out in the open. Here are a few that you could encounter.

The “Astrophysicist”

More often than not, this type is a Literature grad who spends his time reading about the Fermi Paradox. The “astrophysicist” talks to his tailor about string theory, and crushes fruits in the Large Hadron Collider. They are most likely to use the Supermoon as another opportunity to wax eloquent about the NASA blog he read on the toilet, his uncle who works at ISRO, and his spirit animal Michio Kaku. Once pegged to be the third person on the moon (or first, depending on where you get your news), he now spends his time regretting that he managed to fail most of his Arts papers in college.  

The Unimpressed

This one’s seen a bigger and better supermoon on the outskirts of Patna two years ago, so don’t tell them what to expect! The “Unimpressed” was “under the impression” that he was about to see a “wondrous spectacle” but will end up snarkily noting that what he’s seeing is actually, “just a moon dude”. His uncle once bought a supermoon sighting for twice as cheap, and his cousins in Zambia built a Supermoon in their garage. On their last birthday they watched Interstellar with Matthew McConaughey, so it is unlikely that anything nature shows them will impress them as much.

The Hit ’n’ Miss

This person has come here to smoke pot, and see giant moons, and by god will they do exactly that… Whoops they just missed the Supermoon because they were passed out in a bush for four hours. That’s the last you’ll see of them that night, and possibly the rest of the following week. When they finally emerge from the bushes show them a yellow bulb with red cellophane wrapped around it and that should be sufficient to blow their minds until the next supermoon rolls around.

The Bolero Public

Sometime during the eclipse a Bolero is likely to pull up next to you with up to 12 very noisy people drinking a lot of alcohol. The driver of this vehicle will indicate with his eyes that he’s contemplating suicide, and the public will sound like they just walked into a construction site. Don’t accidentally bump into any members of this group or you are likely to be questioned about their father’s qualifications, and the number of times you’ve visited a gym in the last month. On the plus side, however, if you are feeling peckish, this is the group you can guarantee would have a bunch of snacks handy.  

The Shaman

This kind of person grew up as a Shaman in the middle of a heated debate between Hindus and Muslims, so they decided to keep their mouths shut about it. But not on supermoon day. On supermoon day, the Shaman finally gets the chance to show off their religion and tap into their secret stash of sage. They spend the entire first half of the eclipse chanting incantations around a circle drawn in the sand and the second half extracting themselves from the pit they were put in by the Bolero public from earlier.

So this year, as you prepare for the Supermoon, keep this guide handy and see how many of these humans you spot!

Comments