10 years after Jab We Met, We Check On Geet and Aditya

Humour

10 years after Jab We Met, We Check On Geet and Aditya

Illustration: Akshita Monga

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t’s been a decade since Imtiaz Ali immortalised Ratlam station and the low-key creepiness of Indian railways on celluloid. Since its release 10 years ago, Jab We Met’s lead pair has gone on to become the epitome of quirky, opposites-attract romances. “How Geet Are You?” and “15 Signs You Need a Guy Like Aditya” have been plastered across timelines of teenage girls since 2007. But what ever happened to Geet and Aditya after JWM ended? We managed to grab a hold of their marriage counsellor, who, on the condition of anonymity, breached the confidentiality clause and spilled the beans on the couple’s life post the end credits. Be warned, it hasn’t been all “Mauja Hi Mauja”.

So doc, give us the goss. How’s Geet and Aditya’s marriage coming along?
Doc: See, marriage is hard. Once the big fat Punjabi wedding and kinky hotel- room sex run their course, things just don’t seem that exciting anymore. It becomes especially hard when your honeymoon was as big a let down as Geet and Aditya’s. A SOTC package tour to Europe with all of Geet’s 642 relatives obviously paled in comparison to the raw sexual tension they once shared on the lonely streets of Ratlam. It also didn’t help their cause that Geet’s family kept goading Aditya to sing at their family functions. “For the last time, I am the sole heir to a large business! Show some damn respect, chachaji,” Aditya often bemoaned. In my opinion, this was a cripplingly reclusive and formerly depressed urban man married to an annoyingly extrovert and formerly delusional small-town girl. They were doomed from the start.

How is Geet, BTW? Does she still go around saying stuff like “Main apni favourite hoon?”
Doc: Sadly, yes. Aditya confessed that Geet’s eccentric behaviour, while charming at first, had begun to annoy him six months after marriage. “The ‘main meri favourite hoon’ thing was cute until I found out she actually favourites her own tweets!” Geet’s lack of listening capabilities also pushed Aditya into resuming his earlier routine of taking creepy, sombre walks around the streets of Mumbai while donating Rolex watches and expensive cufflinks to local charsis.

This Aditya seems to have a pattern, doesn’t he? How does Geet deal with it?
Doc: See, Geet drunk-dials her ex, Anshuman, now and then. She swears it’s only to hurl abuses at him, but I think she’s lying. Aditya is certainly no walk in the park to deal with. The red flags were all there. I mean, what kind of a mopey bastard gets his future wife to settle his mommy issues for him? Geet is enraged about the fact that she is the first bahu in history to IMPROVE relations between her husband and mother-in-law.

Anyway, after their twins were born, tragedy struck as Geet’s grandfather passed away at 107, and Geet began spiralling into what many housewives do – daily soaps. While Geet found her solace in Bade Ache Lagte Hai, Aditya’s existential crisis had begun feeling heavier than Ram Kapoor on Sakshi Tanwar. When not contemplating suicide, Aditya religiously tagged Geet in 15 nihilistic memes a day until she eventually blocked him from Instagram. Which marriage can take that?

Eventually, I learned that Aditya had developed a full-fledged drug problem. Or as Geet playfully called it, “Drug-shug problem.”

Oh God! Was that the final nail in the coffin?
Doc: Not really. About a year ago, Geet came out to Aditya as a closet bhakt. This didn’t sit well with Aditya since he’d lost a good amount of his business to demonetisation, GST, and “those god awful Jio SIMs”. In fact, Jio’s aggressive pricing had completely put his passion project, Geet Calling Cards, out of business.

For a while after this, the two stopped attending counselling sessions. I feared the worst. Divorce? Bankruptcy? Aditya finally giving into all of Roop’s sexual advances? Eventually, I learned that Aditya had developed a full-fledged drug problem. Or as Geet playfully called it, “Drug-shug problem.”

This is when he decided to take a sabbatical from his family business to venture into a semi-successful career as a Punjabi rock star. Geet’s family was delighted at this move since their fetish for a singer-cum-damaad was finally fulfilled, but his last, critically panned album titled “Gabru ki Geet” mainly consisted of diss tracks directed at Diljit Dosanjh, whom he suspected Geet of having an affair with. He retired soon after, and enrolled himself into rehab.

Jab we Met

See, marriage is hard. Once the big fat Punjabi wedding and kinky hotel- room sex run their course, things just don’t seem that exciting anymore.
Image Credit – Shree Ashtavinayak Cine Vision Ltd.

So is that the end of this epic love story? Is there any hope?
I advised them to do what all couples that began dating in 2007 do to rekindle that lost spark: Revisit Hotel Decent. Last I checked, it seems to have partially worked since they definitely seem more at peace with each other’s narcissistic tendencies since returning from Ratlam. Even though they admitted that their trip wasn’t as exciting without any pictures of their exes to burn.

Understandably, by the end of this, our hearts sank in full agreement with the counsellor’s first statement: Marriage is indeed hard. Then again, so is Bollywood. Just ask Bobby Deol, the director’s first choice to play Aditya.

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